What depresses me most is how 20yrs of friendship can easily be dismissed. How can 1 continue to work and not acknowledge you and treat you like a stranger? The fact that i never did anything wrong to anyone but my friends move on in their lives and pretend to not know me anymore. I already question my self worth, why keep on kickin me when im down. I never burned any bridges. How is it my fault my life is full of drama? I didnt cause the drama it just happened but now its over. Ill never understand how easy it is to walk away from someone. Must be nice to not care.
1 comment
I know exactly what you mean. You have my sympathy, Elle. I’ve experienced what you described as well. I always end up wondering, “What kind of creator would create beings like us, give us free will, and allow us to hurt each other, intentionally or unintentionally, like we do?” It makes no sense. I hope you receive a peaceful resolution to everything that is hurting you soon, and that you stop hurting and suffering.
When I broke up with my soulmate, whom I dearly loved (and still love) more than anyone in this world, I think I did it because I was hoping she would stop drinking and choose me over alcohol. When we first seperated, she called me and begged me not to leave her. She cried and cried and asked me “How can I ever live without you?” But, my mind and my heart were in a different place at that moment. I was different. As much as I loved, worshipped, and cherished her, I was so tired of her drinking. It’s so foolish in retrospect, but that’s where I was mentally then. Drained by her drinking, despite all other bliss we shared. Part of me was afraid I would lose her to alcohol someday, the way I lost my beloved younger sister to alcohol and drugs. So, I pushed her away and awaited for her to call and say she stopped drinking. She stayed in touch with me for 7 months, and then, as soon as I learned she was dating someone else, I fell apart in the worst way of my life. I wanted to die. I was out of my mind with pain and suffering. I begged her to come back, and she declined. It’s so bizarre how our minds work. She begged me, and I declined, and then I begged her and she declined… and we were so perfect together. I’ve never known love like hers. It was bliss and Heaven. Many songs have been written and many movies made about not realizing what we have until it’s gone. Oh God how I love and miss her. My heart is so broken. My life is over without her. This was the second very major heartbreak of my life. I haven’t see her now in over a year and a half. She still occasionally calls, but she is still with the guy she went with when I pushed her out of my life. At first, I thought she would punish me for a while and then come back, but it’s not happening. I really hurt her, and she’s content now.
The sad irony is that although I loved and treated her like a princess the entire time we were together, if we had reconciled, I would have loved her even a thousand times more, but we’re all apparently meant to suffer a lot, and that’s where I am, and that’s where you are too. I hope it’s better for you soon.
When I do choose to exit, I will write her a long letter, a song, and make a video for her to express how much I love her, how deeply sorry I am for hurting her, and for her not to blame herself. I did this entirely to myself. Part of me is hesitant to exit, because I think deep down she still loves me, and she will probably be very disturbed by the fact that I chose to leave this world because I couldn’t bear to live without her. I don’t want to hurt her like that at all. I will definitely make sure my sister knows to help her and comfort her and let her know that I didn’t blame her at all.
Anyway, I hope your situation improves very soon and that you are able to reconcile your friendship(s) of 20 years.
Best,
escape2peace