I am slowly dying.
Dying from the inside out.
I’ve lost my purpose, desires, goals. OOMPH.
I feel I am but a clump of dirt, or sand, simply whisked away when the wind blows.
It is a horrible feeling, when you’ve lost who you were.
What am I now? Nothing. At least nothing functional. Nothing happy. Nothing resembling the ME that I once was. There is no more spark. Only a zombie remains.
I have tried to get it back for years, but after 15 years, not only have I not been able to get it back, but that light is dwindling even more. I am fading more and more into the abyss.
4 comments
I don’t know what to say about the fading slow death, other than I have met people who seemed to be in the same situation but at least seemed to be unaware of it. I respect your awareness. May I ask: who that person was, what was she like, who once was? May I ask how she felt about herself and her life back then?
That’s a great question which deserves a well thought of answer. However, I’m tired (when am I not?) so I’ll come back to it – hopefully.
::hugs::
I’m not sure if you intended it but, this is beautiful, poetic, and relatable.
I do hope that you find peace: it’s not always the dream the world puts out there for you and it may be hard to discover what you need to be happy. It can be done though.
What this really reminds me of is that saying that there is no light without the dark/no yin without the yang. Sometimes sinking into the abyss, letting go, will help find the light, but it’s difficult not to down there.
****not to drown