there are several reasons why it doesn’t seem worth much for me to keep going.
once i get out of this, once i regain control over my mind and my life, i don’t really get any tangible reward. it will be just simply the end of the struggle, that’s all there will be to it. and once the struggle is over, i will be still in the same messed up world feeling even more out of place than ever before.
i somehow ended up thinking about how life is just this massive trap where accomplishing things actually feels like failure because it too often means that you pass the task of defining success to someone else, or something else. it would make more sense to be happy being lazy, but at the same time this thought instantly made me understand how people can just become completely self destructive and wreck their health with drugs, just because of how cursed the definition of success so often is.
3 comments
Two
Words:
*World*
*View*
What’s *your* World View?
What is Life?
How did it come to be?
Who am I as a Human Being?
How did I come to be?
‘If’ I was created… What or Who
created Me?
***Why***
did they create me?
Was there a Purpose in mind?
If there was No Purpose then ‘Why’ create Me?
If there *is* a Purpose,
Can I figure out what that Purpose is or might be? Is there some source I could trace back to them & consult?
Do I have to agree with\accept their Purpose(s) for me? Why?
Whether I arrive that Yes there was\were (an) intended Purpose(s),
or No there was\were not,
or No there’s No Creator to begin with:
Can I choose My Own Purpose?
Why should I choose a Purpose at all?
Can I choose to be Purposeless?
& Why would\should I willingly choose that?
Can I choose to be Purposeful?
& Why would\should I willingly choose that?
*Should* I choose to be Purposeless
or Purposeful?
*Do* I choose to to be Purposeless
or Purposeful?
If I choose to be Purposeless, what should\would I do with my time-limited existence? Why?
If I choose to be Purposeful, what should\would I do with my time-limited existence? Why?
If I choose to be Purposeful,
What Qualifies as a Purpose?
How can I measure the worth\value of that Purpose? What should be my Selection Standards?
[Creator’s standards?
My own sense of good vs. evil, right vs. wrong [& Where did these come from? How can I evaluate them?]?;
My own sense of success vs failure, productivity vs laziness\idleness\uselessness?;
My own sense of enjoyment vs. discomfort, rest vs. tiredness [like You beautifully described in the last paragraph ]?
A Whole Lot of Questions
A Whole Lot of Work
&, i’d say,
A Whole Lot of Reading & Searching
await You
Mate You do that,
think about & try to reach at least ‘preliminary’ answers to these questions,
finish that ‘Journey\Quest’
& then
we could talk about whether or not it’s
*Really*
*Truly*
*Worth*
that You Live
& Why
: )
P.S.
You could share that journey\quest with us here
it’s okay
i’ll even walk with You through it
what i mean to say is
You don’t have to go ‘ancient monk trying to understand the true meaning of life’-mode & resign to seclusion & lock your self up in distant cave with a library of books [that You’ve had to first travel around the world to collect] till You reach an answer
: D
You don’t have to be alone through it
that’s what i mean
: )
geez how did this all of sudden became so complicated.
i don’t even know what morality and ethics exactly is, so purpose just sounds to me like a myth that came from a different planet.
isn’t the main goal of evolution to breed a species intelligent enough to destroy all the work that evolution has done over those billions of years? that’s about the only thing that i know about the world.
this whole trap thing is actually very frightening to me, because i know that no matter what i do, i will always be drawn to a few very specific goals on my bucket list. i am just not willing to lobotomize myself to unlearn what i know to forget those goals. so that kinda does feel like a trap to me.
i think that instead of asking myself what i want to do with my life – which, apparently, i can’t change – i should be asking myself what i want my life to look like, how am i supposed to be living it.
:::hugz:::