Not going to be topical/current, rather talking about another of my shameful habits
Every now and then, I visit the graveyard of my desires. There were people that I loved, and some of them died. Those are the easier to square with than the ones that went on living, with no interest towards me being in their lives.
I’ll say their names, because I’ll never be able to anywhere else;
Laurel
Tiffany
Amber
Todd
Stephanie
Lindsay
Sarah
This isn’t to say that they chose to end it, often enough it was me that decided I couldn’t bleed for the relationship anymore. The ones still alive, I tend to check on now and then. They’re all doing fine these days, no need for me to come back, I’m irrelevant in their world. That hurts, and yet it comforts. Contradictions run my life. I despise so many things, because loving hurts.
I don’t know how to be healthy. I can’t relate to people life is working out well for. I also can’t seem to commit to failure either. Which is where I am right now; aimless, purposeless.