Getting through the day
Having something to do through out the day that brings a sense of joy and fulfillment is hard with depression. It doesn’t make it any easier considering the fact that i don’t have a college course to attend (got rejected) or a job. There are very few things that get me through the day…playing music (guitar/piano) and discovering mathematics on my own (as hobby).
What kept me occupied these last few days
These last few days i have been depressed out of my mind…the only thing that could make me escape my depression a little bit, was doing math. I saw a fun little math question on a television show (link: When not knowing Math can cost you $15,000 – YouTube ) about the sum of ”2 square numbers” being equal to a square number (3 ² + 4 ² = 5 ²). I looked deeper into and went looking for other square numbers that make up a square number and i realized that x ² + x ² = x ² has a nice numerical pattern that resembles the 1-2-4-8-16 number pattern (but then 10x greater), with any 2 square numbers that make up a square number having a constant ratio of 1:1.78
I also spent time on geometry and managed to create a formula that can calculate the perimeter of an oval shape. This was after being mesmerized by the architecture of spiral staircases. I started thinking about the path one would follow from the bottom to the top. Instinctively the path would seem to be circular looking at it 2-dimensionally…but with some mental visualization i noticed that it actually represents an oval shape…think of a circle with another circle on top of it, now if you were to tilt the circle upwards and tried to travel along the circle upwards, it wouldn’t be long enough to travel along the edge of the circle laying down. You would have to stretch the circle causing it to become oval shape, so you can travel upwards along the edge of the circle that’s laying down beneath you.
I feel lost when my usual hobbies become boring
Playing music and doing mathematics…have honestly kept my mind off of considering suicide for some time. But you can only enjoy so much of a certain activity day in and day out…it’s going to lose some of it’s appeal after a while. And at times when it does lose it’s appeal for a while…i feel completely lost and my mind starts to wander into a dark tunnel and i don’t know what to do when it does.
1 comment
Man, brings me joy that you have such a compassion for something you like.
For me, a hobby isn’t just a distraction, but also a way to express and release whatever comes to my mind. From deep-analyzing instrumental music, to drawing only leaves for 3 months..
My view of hobbies is more about them developing over time along with me. Some comes and goes. And suddenly curiousity unlocks new interesting things that you never thought would interest you.
(Did u know there are 2400 different species of manties? )
Hugs