Poem cause why not (+ explanation)

(Sorry for not correcting misspelled words, this site is a pain to navigate through)

Shadowy figures everywhere
I can see an feel their glare
On the same plane as me
Though I might have the key

Deep in here, trapped inside
Never can be justified
I may try I may not
After all I’m gonna rot

Somewhere high up in the sky
May become a mindless fly
Thinking? No, that won’t do
Let me see when it’s brand new

I believe in it all
Doubting as it’s getting small
I can’t feel, I can’t hear
Still, it does make me cheer

What they won’t comprehend
May have met them in the end
Just like them, I stand here
Not even shedding a tear

No one’s different on this stand
About falling through the sand
Don’t you flee, oh you can’t
Won’t you join us here and chant

The first verse is kinda stupid, I was going to go with the school theme but though I needed something more existential. The “shadowy figures” are just random-ass people that I think are giving me askew looks everythere, you know, just intrusive thoughts. They’re in the same plane of existance as me even tho I feel superior to them, liek I should be on a different one. (Chech verse 5 description for more info on that superiority complex and verse 2 for what the key is)

In the second verse the firsr line is about the key mentioned earlier. The key to open up my spiritual path and transcend or the key to accept myself as I am. It’s trapped deep in my own mind yet I can’t find it simply out of my laziness among other things listed later. I cannot commit to a thing. It “cannot be justified” cause it’d be a win-win for me to open myself up with the key but I still don’t do it for some reason, something is dragging me back – it’s my lack of motivation, fear of change and leaving stuff behind. “I may try I may not after all I’m gonna rot” means basically doesn’t matter if I commit to fidning the key in me or not I’m still gonna die and I have no proof if my life’s fruits have ever been harvested after my death so no matter what I do I won’t see the results. Yeah, I could become an official saint, I’d still have no clue what that even did cause I’d forget everything about the time I spent achieving this goal.

The third verse obviously references reincarnation, I talk about becoming like a fly or shit in my next life, ” Thinking? No, that won’t do
Let me see when it’s brand new” means I wanna be something that doesn’t think and I wanna see through he eyes of such a thing that has never even thought about existing. Just food and stuff. I wanted to see through the eyes of a mindless creature that doesn’t think about all these things. As said creature I’d also forget all about this current life and not know how it is like.

The fourth verse is rather complicated to understand. It’s about my ‘unique’ practices and beliefs. “It’s getting small” means I’m kinda losing faith in what I do, I involuntarily think it’s pointless and stupid, obviously not real etc. still, doing it brings me some type of joy or uh “cheer” like I wrote there. …is that even grammatically correct?

The fifth, near last verse refers to me being like everyone else,”Just like them I stand here not even shedding a tear” I just think of myself higher than others just cause I think about such universe dumb philosophical shit. And I “don’t shed a tear” cause I accepted it, I’m no different than other people, I’m just stupidly philosophical and therefore think I’m god just cause I think about “what they won’t comprehend” while others go on with their lifes. I dunno. This verse also refers to my practices, don’t judge me, I practice magick, I am (or at least try to be) spiritual and I feel it’s something above the norm like I said before but we do mundane things too, in every day thing there’s magick. I feel like people have “met it” cause it’s in everything we do yet they still shame me for believing and practicing.

The last verse’s “No one’s different on this stand
About falling through the sand” is just a reference to desth, nobody’s different cause we all die. The “sand” is the sand of time, in like an hourglass and stuff. “Won’t you join us here and chant” was just to add a rhyme but I think it fits pretty well as a dance macabre reference, just hop in and join the circle, everyone gets to.

This felt good writing. Hope you read all of this, no matter how quickly you will forget about this I just wanted to thank you for making it this far. I hope you liked it even tho I’m kinda eh at writing. I know I did enjoy writing the explanation. Sokehow I could finally say what I want with words? Usually it comes out wrong heh. Thank you for reading once again, it really mean a lot to me.