Everything is so stressful, I’m getting to the point where I’m planning suicide. I want to OD but at the same time k don’t want to I want to continue on and live my life I can’t die now I want to die when I’m 30 or something. I just want the pain to end. I would go into therapy but that would take months and my family can’t afford that. I feel so helpless my parents don’t even believe that I’m depressed. I try to tell them that I’m not ok but they just completely invalidate my feelings. The other day I was having a panic attack and I asked my mom to get me from schoolbut the said that I can’t always have someone pick me up and I just need to calm down.. like that’s not how you’re supposed to react.. it’s supposed to be “omg are you okay????!?!? Is the ere anything I can do” not “you can’t just skip school and do whatever you want” like wtf.
I’m trans and my family is transphobic. It’s really shitty that I will never be excepted by them.
Anyways I just feel hopeless
I need some what to cope if I want to stay alive
I’m thinking of going for doing weed (it’s legal in my country but not for minors (I’m a minor)) because when I wanted to OD the most it was “either I want to take a handful of painkillers or get really high” I just want to feel something
Right now that feels like the only option
What do you guys think?
(He/him)
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3 comments
Sounds like BPD to me, to be honest. Identity issues plus mood disregulation. You must have a hard time inside your head.
Anyway. As someone who has been down that road (the whole trans thing and drugs), my suggestion is to stay WAY far away from weed. You have to have the right personality for it. If you have a healthy self-esteem, can get your work/homework done, if you have disposable money to spend, and if you can get all of your responsibilities taken care of without Weed, then go for it. If you have mental health issues, or if your reason for using weed is to make you feel better emotionally, then don’t do it–you will probably just make things worse. Not to sound rude, but you’re more than likely in group B, there.
If youre transitioning, then youre going to need money for hormones, surgery, etc. The world is a cruel place for trans people, and you may need to eventually get a therapist when you can afford it. Believe me, smoking weed doesn’t fix anything externally. When the high wears off, all of your problems are still there waiting for you. Except then, you have to worry about how to keep up your drug habit, too. It’s just a waste of time, money, and self-esteem. Id recommend weight-lifting for you. It will give you the boost you’re looking for, help you cope with tough emotions, and will help masculinize your body, too. I’d never recommend taking your own life. I made it to 30, and believe me, it’s just you and your own thoughts and emotions. Learning how to get by on your own is important. Im sure your parents care, and that’s probably what they’re getting at. Of course they’re concerned for you, but they also probably want to see you be able to handle yourself, too.
Good luck to you. – M
Sorry, one last thing. I want to really emphasize how important it is to learn how to cope with your own emotions somehow. If you’re in High School, then you’re at an age now where it’s crucial to start moving away from relying on others for emotional comfort and support. Is it alright every once in a while? Absolutely! When you have exhausted your coping mechanisms and have no other way, talking to someone else and asking for help is 100% okay. That being said, I have to say while you still have time before you’re out in the world on your own, it’s important to confront your emotions and anxieties and come up with solutions to make you feel better by yourself. I dont mean to sound harsh, I just dont want to see you suffer in the future. If you continue to do things like call your mom when you have panic attacks, you will never learn how to get past them on your own, and that will set you up for a lifetime of mental health issues. With all the compassion I can muster, please, begin to try fighting these things by yourself. Exercize, read, go hang out with a friend, take a long walk, play video games, play guitar, paint, see a movie…anything. be creative about it. Different things work for different people. Please don’t wait until your problems get worse. When your parents aren’t there to help you, it will just be you. That is the reality. Again, I say this not with judgement, but with compassion and concern for your future. Good luck once again!
it’s an awful time to be a trans minor, and for the rest of my generation I apologize, we owe you better
we’re trying for better
In all of this, wanting to die on your timetable in your way shows resolve, shows strength. You’re dealing with all this, and you not only want to get through today/this month/this year, but the next 10…. hold onto that, anything that keeps your head up.
If you can develop a healthy relationship with substances, it would be better. High chasing doesn’t work on average because people want to be high more than their body can support. The first high is always the strongest, from then on your receptors get better at processing, which means you get less effect.
if you develop an unhealthy relationship with it, it will be taken away. That’s how addiction treatment goes these days. THC, nicotine, alcohol, caffeine, these are the things that can make life more tolerable. Is it worth it for a few moments of bliss to lose those forever? no, small comforts are often the only ones available.
so what to do? survive, keep trying to pull back resources. Maybe someday we all will live again, but for now strategic retreat is better than death. It isn’t romantic, because hateful people control the narrative, for now. Everything is for now, may not be in the future. Demographically speaking, ideologically speaking, the most hateful people are over age 50. That means in 35 years they will be gone, and if we do our job right, we’ll be a kinder species.