This is just my quick summary rant of my wanting to die, yes I know what I’ve written is long and messy but believe me I have left out a lot of details, this really is a summary and I just need to let it out, any comments even if mean are appreciated, I can’t let anyone know what I’m planning so being able to be open like this makes me feel just a tiny bit better
Was diagnosed with depression in middle school, my mother is agoraphobia so since middle school I’ve had to shop for her, take care of her and the house, I cook, clean, bring her things when asked, and take mental abuse from her. I am 22 years old I still take care of her, she still mentally abuses me, she’s mentally unstable and I’m not sure she even knows that she’s hurting me, she says she needs my money to survive and I can’t live on my own. I have depression, anxiety, ADD, chronic back and chest pains, my neck is disfigured, and due to my lack of money I’m constantly starving, which makes it hard for me to work, even when I put in my all it’s not enough for my bosses, I’ve had three jobs in my life and they all tell me I don’t do enough. Today my boss told me I’m a terrible worker. But I have to work to support my mother, sometimes I have to pick do I pay the bills and starve or get food and be behind on bills again. I don’t qualify for disability but I just can’t work anymore, I just want to say fuck it and end it all. There’s a few problems though, I don’t want it to be painful, and I don’t want anyone to find me. Most of not all methods that are painless or have the lease amount of pain have chances to survive and I don’t want any possibilities of survival. I can’t get a gun, can’t get to a bridge, I don’t want to die at home, and I’d probably puke up pills, I just want to disappear completely from the world
2 comments
I’m really sorry. It’s honestly depressing how being born in the wrong place or the wrong family or just into a body that doesn’t function properly means suffering for the rest of one’s life. Goverment is shit at actually helping people. You’re braver than most people for making it this far. I wish you the best on your journey <3
I’m going to be 100% honest with you, the fact you mentioned multiple ways but ended with escudes as to why you can’t do those means you DONT want to take your life which is a good thing. Everything you’re feeling is normal, you are under great stress and being in pain all the time physically, mentally and emotionally doesn’t help. You have to ask yourself why are you taking care of someone who didn’t for you, why don’t I find another job or take the disability since you qualify, what can I do to benefit my life for me etc.. you are worthy and you are strong you got this. I talk from experience.