I find my existence pretty weird – Apologies for Whining

When I say that I find my existence pretty weird, I mean mildly meaningless. Mild is an understatement. The new year began with the most amount of ideations that I have ever had to deal with because of a host of reasons. One being, my parents have retired from their job and my sibling and I should be supporting the family. My sibling has a wonderful job, an amazing partner, and is trying to live her best life. But here I am, still in college, with absolutely no job, no nothing. I am doing nothing to support this family. And with the line of career I am in, it will take a whole lot of time to get any money. I am working hard at this but is it enough? I don’t think my parents need me because I am nothing but an additional burden to this family with my mental health conditions and stuff. My health is tanking and will tank further if I don’t do anything about it. The annoying part is that I don’t find any motivation to get anything done. I am constantly in pain, physical and mental. My meds don’t help me anymore. And I don’t think I have felt so alone in a while. I stopped reaching out to people around me because they all left after hearing my whining 24/7. But this whining also comes from a place of constant pain. I don’t know. I feel confused. I apologize for the whining. People have it much worse than I do.