Honestly I don’t think I have much room to talk seeing as everyone is so tired these days, but I really am tired. Worn out. Exhausted.
I wont kill myself though, I can’t. I’m too much of a coward to actually go through with it, but If I were to die I wouldn’t be upset.
Whenever a topic like suicide is brought up, my mother often makes comments or tells me how much of a coward that person is. That it’s not brave. I don’t know if I agree or not. I never have known, I’m too indecisive. Even with small things like ordering food, or deciding what shoes to wear. It doesn’t matter anyways, because I just end up wearing the same black pair of worn high top converse like every other day. I used to try so much harder.
When did it change?
When did I stop caring, stop dreaming? When did I stop crying and start accepting things for how they were, instead of desperately explaining things?
I don’t know.
Everything is so underwhelming, and i’ll never be anything than what I already am. I wish I was seven years old again. I long to see the world through her big brown dreamer eyes, with a toothy smile and rosy cheeks. Now I find myself dreaming of anywhere else but here.
Somewhere I can fly.
I wish I were a great big bird, with strong wings and beautiful sleek feathers. I would leave and never come back.
It’d be a great escape.
My escape.
1 comment
You are allowed to feel tired. There’s room in this world for your feelings, and they are valid.
Also, you aren’t a coward–you were brave enough to listen to the part of your brain telling you to keep going, despite feeling so much pain that there’s another part of your brain telling you to die.
Someone who cries has the courage to suffer. You are not a coward.