It bothers me that nobody really mentions the empty part of depression. I’m talking about the times where there’s not actually anything wrong, nothing is happening but at the same time I feel so depressed it physically hurts my heart.
It’s so silly though. To think that something simple like brushing my teeth or putting on socks seems like such a daunting task. Everything feels so heavy all at once but at the same time, I can’t feel anything.
It’s embarrassing too.
I try keep it under control, but there are times where I’ll go five or more days straight without showering just because getting out of bed to be a productive member of society feels like running a cross country marathon.
Right now, I have 17 missing assignments piled up and 4 baskets of laundry that need to be folded. They’ve been sitting there for at least three weeks. My desk is cluttered, and my bed covers are un-tucked with the sheets pushed all the way down to the foot board.
Paint tubes are scattered along my floor and old coffee mugs sit empty on my desk, untouched. I have pallet knives and tools laying on the carpet haphazardly, while the things on my shelves are slowly collecting dust. But at the same time, so am I.