I just don’t know. I’m so far behind in school work. I am so behind in everything. I lack a lot of the social skills I need to make it. I am not sure when it started. When I started giving up. I think I don’t do anything anymore because I have already failed the school year, so what’s the point in trying. I keep saying I’ll try harder but I don’t.
I don’t know when I started drinking but it’s become a thing. I realized that I just take whatever I can get my hands on. My mom is at a loss. She told me she never thought she would have a kid who failed everything. A kid who is as selfish as I am. She used to expect me to make straight A’s and now all she ‘hopes’ for is that I graduate highschool. I have given up so many times in so many ways. I almost died this past summer. I almost succeeded. I was almost there. If I could have fought off the fatigue a little longer I wouldn’t be here right now.
I thought I already hit rock bottom but no. I just keep falling. I occasionally land on a ledge and try to climb up and then the ledge gives way. I am back to falling. Time never stops. It never slows down, not for anyone. But most people manage to keep up with it. Except for me. I thought I almost left a couple days ago. But no. There are 7 stages of alcohol. #1. Sobriety, #2. Euphoria, #3. Excitement, #4. Confusion, #5. Stupor, #6. Coma and #7. Death. By my saying that I bet you could guess how I tried to off myself. Yup. Alcohol poisoning. I only entered the stage #5 though. My mom thinks I was just being a dumb teenager. She asked me if it was an attempt. I obviously told her no. My mom works so hard and I know she cares but I’m suffering. So is she. When someone has to deal with a kid like me, they are obviously Miserable. I would just be doing her a favor but she wont let me.