lost phone numbers

I feel so alone. I have no one I can talk to and I pretend like everything is okay but it’s not and I hate admitting this. But the worst part about all of this is that every time I make a new friend or find someone who could’ve been more, I always end up losing their contact info. This has happened 9 times over the past 8 years. I either lose the piece of paper they write their number/email on or I lose or break my phone. These are people that I just clicked with so perfectly. It feels like a curse. No matter how many times I tell myself to be more careful next time, the same thing keeps happening. It sucks because they probably think I just didn’t wanna stay in contact with them. My jail cellmate was pretty cool too and he gave me his phone number before I left just a few months ago, I lost his phone number too. I mean I guess this is all my fault for losing and breaking things all the time but it’s not like I do it on purpose. Even before I graduated high school, I remember I’d always switch schools whenever I was starting to make friends. All my life this has been happening. It’s gotten so bad that I often don’t even bother trying anymore because subconsciously I know that it’s futile. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy. I always tell myself “this time will be different, I’ll stick around” but then I get scared and close myself off from people once they start prying. I’m not sure I really even understand myself, it’s like I want to connect with others but then I get scared and close off. It makes me wonder if I would’ve even actually called these phone numbers.