I’ve decided on an end date for myself. August 31st. This is the date of the next Blue Moon. Of course the stargazing conditions have to be perfect. Im not sure why I chose this. Maybe its because I want to go out on a beautiful night. I know this time I can’t back out. I won’t. I’m so tired. I love my mom and sister and the one friend I have but I can’t do this anymore. Perhaps I may find a reason to stay by the time the Blue Moon comes around but I highly doubt it. I am trying to keep my mind occupied till then. I have been learning chords on my piano so that’s nice. Its quite a good distraction. Recently I have been climbing out my window onto the roof and taking pictures of the moon. Seeing the stars and moon calms me. When it gets dark if I concentrate enough while laying on my roof my eyes will adjust to the night sky and I can see more constellations than normal. I found scorpio last night which I Thought was really cool because its my zodiac. I’ve always been really interested in that stuff. I wish I lived out in the country where there not as much light pollution because then you can see so many more stars.
Regardless I am way to tired and I just need the pain to stop. I could really use a joint right now.