I was expecting the grade at 5 pm. As it was getting closer, I had a feeling that might not be the case. He probably even forgot I had directed research and did not submit a grade. I imagine administration will contact him about it. Now the only issue is I don’t know when this will happen. I think now that’s the worse part. I won’t know when the disappointment will occur. Most likely he will contact me and I will admit in shame that I have nothing to show. This whole thing has been bad top to bottom. I’m going to flunk out of grad school. I have to learn to accept that. Here’s another song. I like it. Since I don’t know japanese it just sounds like rambling to me. That’s the appeal of it to me at least.
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my difficult to crush optimism says that as long as there isn’t definitive news, it might turn out a different way.
not that such a thing would be necessarily a good thing…. just that humans have a huge gap in their ability to predict the behavior of other human beings
It also depends on internal school politics. My mom especially, who works at a university, likes to remind me that me flunking out would be a black mark on the school, it would mess up their numbers, so they actually have some vested interest to salvage my degree.
but yeah, uncertainty sucks, especially when a bad outcome seems likely. If it is possible to distract yourself in some way, that’s the best coping strategy I’ve got for something like that