I’m trying to shut it out, the real world, the whole ball of wax….. there’s nothing there for me right now anyway.
I keep getting sucked back in, into the drama, into the dopamine high of watching others hurt….. how sick is that? If there’s anything that makes me doubt intelligent design, it’s how humans handle dopamine. We like pain, mostly causing it but some sick folks like feeling it too…. I’ve been in both positions.
So why can’t I just drop it, all the dirt, all the agony and wailing, why isn’t it easier to look away? I’m trying, for what that’s worth. I’ve closed all my social media, even my email…… it isn’t enough. I need to step further away, and it’s hard, the hardest thing I’ve tried to do.
I just want it to be simple; a switch to flick off and it doesn’t nag at me…. taking apart conditioning is so much harder than setting it up.