I have become a very boring person. I don’t have fun anymore. I don’t know how to have fun. When I try to have fun it makes me feel empty. When I try to have a conversation with someone it becomes so dry. I have so many things to say, but the people I’ve been talking to don’t seem to really want to listen. Especially not that girl I met at the airport, I lost almost all my interest in her a few days ago, and now her one word replies don’t seem that appealing anymore. I still texted her today though. I tried to talk about something interesting, but it didn’t work out.
I asked her if she read a lot of books, if she liked music or movies, what she likes… her hobbies… nothing. I have learned nothing new from talking to her even though I asked her so many questions. I feel like she’s doing this on purpose. So I’m just not going to talk to her anymore.
When I’m with my little brother and we joke around, I am gripped by a feeling of emptiness also. It is all vanity. When I talk to a different girl, one who I care about, who I actually like talking to, it makes me happy. I like learning new things about her. I love the connection I have with her. I love her. But if I ever developed romantic feelings for her, it would kill me. I just don’t do well with romance. Maybe one day I will fall in love and the love won’t eat me from the inside…
But I’m so boring. Who would want to fall in love with me?
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You may or may not be boring, yet to be determined. The burden of conversation is on both people though, and some people suck at it. I remember an absolutely beautiful young lady I met and was instantly smitten, and she was into me imagine my surprise at my luck!
But the more we talked, the more I realized how little we had in common. Eventually it just turned me off entirely, she couldn’t discuss movies, books or video games….. I suspect she was into reality television and makeup, which I have no material to discuss on. We did end up being intimate, but it was the most miserable encounter in my life. I, a dude, ended up faking my orgasm…. and thats’s a skill I had never before and never since used.
I’m rather cynical about the probability of meeting someone compatible. Most of this is because of mating statistics….. which I won’t subject you to without your permission.
Comes down to that it appears to me that everyone needs to learn to be alone and be okay with it. Yes, romances may happen, but keeping one going your whole life is a trick, and one in which you don’t hold all the cards, which on one point sucks because it’s out of your control. Upshot; it isn’t your fault.
It probably isn’t your fault, I should say. If you are abusive or have substance abuse issues….. that could be considered your fault. Oh, and possibly if you are “too picky”, but again I’m cynical about anyone finding a match….. so “too picky” just sometimes means having any requirements.
lol, how does a guy even fake an orgasm? i mean, doesn’t a guy have to be excited or “into” it in order to get hard??
aha, but that’s arousal, not climax, luckily at the time I was still in my early 20s when I could get hard for a half decent commercial….. the process of faking it is much the same, moaning, making faces…. then you pull off and lay there completely spent. If it had been in a relationship, I probably would have tried harder….
it’s a really interesting contrast, I needed the validation so bad back then, from someone I knew I would never meet again
“I’m rather cynical about the probability of meeting someone compatible. Most of this is because of mating statistics….. which I won’t subject you to without your permission.”
–>I actually did meet “the one” for me. but idiot me broke up with him bc i had stuffed all my emotions into Pandora’s box and he was cracking my wall of concrete that I had built to keep people out. BIGGEST regret of my life, to have met “the one” and then purposely broke it off. Yeah, that one was on me. FML.
Ah! I hoped someone would latch onto that one. I did all of the math once, back in 2012… god I’m old, but at the time I was 24 and willing to date (within reason) people between 20 and 40. What I required was emotional maturity, and a certain amount of intellect.
huh, sidenote I could have run the numbers for how many people with an IQ over 110 and been done with it…. at the time I didn’t respect IQ as an accurate measure
So at the time I figured out that there were somewhere around 20 million eligable matches within the United States. I was/am also bi, so that included a few men, but excluded all people who would judge me for having an alternative sexuality. That and smoking, great ways to weed out jerks.
I calculated at least half were in committed relationships of some kind. So that leaves ten million, but that’s ten million spread across the whole country, or about 9.9 million in the lower 48. A majority of them are going to be around large population centers, which are out of range for me to date.
Out of the few thousand within range, I had to find a way to get their attention, and interfere with other potential matches. At this point I’d dated a lot, and that seemed like quite a bit of work. I had a professor who was something of a rogue single man. He was in his 50s, never married, never planned on it. He had many enthusiastic participants in the bedroom portion of the relationship, and many friends to spend time with….. so my plan was to move into that slot.
Then I met the woman who would become my wife and things just went improbably well. When she stuck with me after the nervious breakdown and hospitalization, I knew then she was a keeper.
Even so, all of it is only for now. I’ve lost so many people, you can’t assume tomorrow. Maybe she’ll get sick of me tomorrow (unlikely, but could happen)….. people die from random stuff all the time too. Heck it could get really wild and she gets kidnapped by pirates.
If so, I’d return to my plan to become my strange professor. There are other ways to get almost everything a committed relationship provides. Having one, however, I will say it’s more efficient to get it all in one place.
sigh, i didn’t know after i broke up with him that i would have such a hard time meeting anyone else even halfway decent. i didn’t know how broken and lonely i’d be after my walls crumbled and i became a mess. if i knew what’d happen to me, i’d never have broken up with him.
you found your wife, ya lucky bastard! lol 😛
i wish i could find “the one” again, but i don’t think that would ever happen, like lightning striking the same place twice. Sigh, FML.
@Leave- there are plenty of boring guys and boring guys. Yet they somehow manage to find someone though. Maybe boring people like the same things. I think so. You sound young, there’s some hope for you yet.