Why have we as a society gotten so comfortable with and accepting of everyone coming home to no one at 5 pm ? When the workday is over, and free time begins, I want to come home to someone … to have some human contact, to talk about my day, to make love to someone, to share a meal or a bottle of wine … there is no one … there hasn’t been anyone for 15 years, and there isn’t anyone now or in the foreseeable future.
Is this a life worth living ? Should I be satisfied with Netflix and 20 second porn ? Is this why I eat, shower, do the dishes, and clean the apartment ? Just so I can wake up again and do the same shit ? If it is, then it’s not a good enough reason.
8 comments
Definitely relate to this. I think a mind-numbing job (like most things) is tolerable if you have some kind of positive relationship to make it feel worthwhile. Without the prospect of that, it starts to feel unbearably tedious. I find my mind constantly drifting off to memories or fantasies of a more meaningful life while I’m trying to work. Some days I can wake up at 7am and start work (I work from home), continue on till 6pm and it’s dark outside, make dinner, shower, and go to bed. And never speak to another human being the whole day, or have anyone else even aware of my existence. And then wake up the next day and do it all again. Like you I’ve been in this state for many years, and I see no real prospect of it changing.
I think the reality is that most people either have someone to come home to, or if they don’t, they believe they could find someone whenever they want. They’re just temporarily between partners. Or they have other strong sources of meaning present in their lives on a daily basis – friendships, family members etc. Or they’re fortunate enough to have careers that they find fulfilling and not a daily grind.
The number of people who actually have “no one & nothing” for years at a time is a minority, though clearly it’s growing. It won’t be taken that seriously as a social issue unless/until it becomes a majority experience, and can no longer be ignored.
i guess i’m one of the few unlucky bastards who have “no one and nothing” :'( life is f*ing unbearable when you have nothing.
everyone on SP is missing *something*- whether it’s S.O., friends, better friends, job, a better job, money, passion, purpose, etc. the more things we’re missing, the more miserable we are.
🙁 True.
I do find I have “better” days, when I’m not buried with work, or exhausted by lack of sleep, and my pain’s not too bad. I had enough energy to learn some piano today – that was kind of satisfying. Small victories, though ultimately meaningless, remind me what it’s like to want to be alive. It’s not enough to make the bad days worthwhile by a long shot, but it’s not nothing.
Well said Husk/Eternal.
We have become accustomed to being wage slaves. We’ve bought the corporate propaganda- hook, line and sinker. We’re made to believe that’s all this life is- spend ALL your waking time at work and…that’s pretty much it. Like you said, we come home, tired, have just enough time to eat, shower and maybe watch a show, hit the sack, and repeat.
It’s perfectly normal to feel unease and unhappiness at an unfulfilling life, and all your time is spent at work. and if you’re “lucky” you make enough to go out and do a few things. and…that’s about it. forget meaning and purpose and satisfaction when we gotta be wage slaves!
There WAS a time when we only needed ONE working parent, with only a HS degree, and it paid well enough to buy a house and support a spouse and 2 kids. Gone are those days.
Sadly true Eternal.
OP–agreed, I mean I’m lucky I have a handful of friends and extended family so I don’t feel that alone, except that I’m single and fixing that gap in my life with a great s/o would really go a long way to feeling better.
But finding a good match is a challenge on it’s own…unless I’m lucky enough to find a hot young, independent girl who values well educated older men who are not in good shape. lol
As for increasing one’s circle of friends…I’m finding it nearly impossible. I tried to reach out to a few people I liked in my last company and I was in my 40’s then…but most of them were younger, 20s, 30s…and they were in their own set groups and showed almost no interest in expanding their circle of contacts.
That’s in a work situation where you have the advantage of getting to know people. Despite having a good sense of humor, being a good friend to them, being ‘interesting’ because of the knowledge I could share…they didn’t GAF about being friends with me outside the company…aside from hanging out as a group.
So it’s going to be even tougher to try to make strangers your new bestie…when you don’t know them from a hole in the wall.
I’m not rubbing it into anyone’s face, I know there’s real hurt and pain from loneliness and I’ve experienced it too when at one point I thought I’d lost all my friends in an ugly argument we all had…but luckily we got over it….but I am glad I have my little circle.
Still the one good thing to know is that you’re not the only one in that situation, others are there too…it’s just a matter of finding people in the same boat who are compatible with you.
You feel like something is wrong with you when you either don’t have any close friends, or you feel like you don’t even when you do. I understand where you’re coming from. I feel like I just keep pushing everyone away. How can I support a girlfriend, a wife, a family, when I can’t even support myself? Get myself out of the funk?
It’s that kind of stuff that goes through one’s head on a day by day basis.