Went to the orthopedist today. Good news is whoever read my x-rays was wrong. I don’t have a fracture. Just a sprain. Pretty happy about that. Doesn’t change that my ankle hurts like hell, but I don’t need to be afraid of worsening a fracture in my foot. Things have been ok. Not horrible. Just ok. I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately. I was doing great with only thinking about her sometimes. But I’ve had her on my mind a lot lately. Been bummed about that. Drinking right now. Beer is so awful. Just the worse. But I tolerate it due to it being strong and sour. Wish I was at the arcade. It’s sad to be alone there, but I still get to play galaga. Got no games in my apartment. None I haven’t played anyways. Wish I had a PS5. Or better yet a brand new PC. With the latest CPU and GPU. Then I can play whatever I want. But I only got a PS4. I say only but that’s more than most have. I’ve stopped talking to my friends. I don’t really know why, just don’t feel like talking to them. I hope she’s ok. Don’t know why, but I just do. It’s crazy to think that there are like 3 billion people on this planet and she’s the one I choose to obsess over. God this beer is awful. It’s my last one. But I still have an unopened bottle of Jameson. I’ve noticed it tastes better with sour mix than Jack Daniels does. I think at least. Or maybe the different bartenders at the arcade just do whiskey sours better or worse. I wonder if her dog is still around. Hope she is. I think it was a she. She was/is a samoyed. I think I spelled that right. Unsure. This beer is helpful with relieving the pain from my ankle. Don’t feel a thing. Been aching all day, but not now. Pretty great. My relationship with her reminds me of Like A Friend from Pulp.
You know what’s great about this beer? 9.5 abv. Almost double the regular amount. So 3 beers is like drinking a whole 6 pack. Fucking great. That’s what I love about this beer so much. Strong. Takes a little just to get where I want. I don’t know why things are the way the are. You’d think with just a thought we could shift things, but that’s not a thing. It’s funny how there are points in time when it will be the last time you talk to someone. If I remember correctly, she was telling me about some family troubles. Something about one of her grandparents getting injuried. I think I wished her the best. And then never again. Crazy. Crazy how it just all slips through our fingers. You want to know what I wish the most? I hope she hates me. I’d rather that than her not knowing how to talk to me anymore. I’d rather she just despise me. I’d make things so easier. If she just hated me. No complicated feelings. Just hate. Last time i tried contacting her was October. That’s when I deleted her contact info. Still know her number though.
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heh, loss is a trip eh? I remember after my first wife left (I still feel like a sleezeball saying that), and there were a lot of times I wished she was dead. I didn’t like someone being out there with that much info on me, but I solved that by and by in changing every memorable detail about myself, and never sharing them all with one person again.
though I know I’m an oddball for considering vulnerability something to be avoided, or at least spread out across a few different people.
I thought I disagreed on the beer front, being a fan, but I’ve had some for a long while and it still doesn’t get drunk. Neither does my whiskey anymore really. I never had Jameson, I don’t think any of the local stores stock it. My personal preference is “Old Granddad”, but that’s just the best I can afford.
I don’t have a PS5 either, though I suppose I could if I really wanted it. I built a semi modern gaming PC last year, it’s a generation out of date, but every computer I build is like that. I could get really wrapped up in the most modern setups, but I tend to keep my builds for 7 years or so, so being a few years out of date at the start isn’t bad.
The thing I want is a mobile gaming device. Originally it was going to be a Steam Deck, but now I’m leaning more towards the Lenovo Legion Go. I don’t want to buy another laptop, and the Legion go could fill that gap. I just need to get into a game again. Sons of the Forest just did their 1.0, but I’ve never been able to play it for more than a couple hours, it’s tiring.
Haven’t looked into the steam deck types. I got a switch though, but forgot it at my parent’s last time I visited. I miss gaming in general though.
I think that’s why a part of me is ok with being alone. I don’t have to explain myself to anyone. Although the only time I ever tried was in thr most awkward and overexposed way.