I can’t really remember the last time I’ve felt okay. Or present, really. Been really dissociated and stuck in my own head. Stepping away from reality for a while’s kinda nice. I very rarely sleep. I’ve not done anything w my life yet. Was supposed to start school but I procrastinated on signing up for so long I ended up missing deadlines. No one knows except me. I know they’d all just be ashamed of me if they knew, and it’d be justified. It’s hard to say I find joy in anything anymore, other than perhaps the maladaptive daydreams I get myself stuck in, and even then it’s stretching it, ’cause it can get kinda dark haha. I’m not sure why I’m bothering to even type any of this. I don’t even have proper thoughts to write down anymore. I’m just really detached.
I did see, however, I think a few weeks ago, J Doe saying he hoped I was fine… thought I should finally come around and say I’m at least alive, just in case it still matters to you. I don’t find it odd in the sense that you seem so interested… I mean, odd in the sense that someone out there cares in general… but not odd in the way you were seeming to imply (I think).
So… yeah. I’m not dead, could care less at this point.
1 comment
I kind of get where you’re coming from. There’s been several periods where I can just remember spending weekends lying in my bed staring at the ceiling. Being so dettached from everything that nothing feels like anything. I hope you manage to claw your way out of it. I can’t really remember how I did, but I feel like finding some sort of thing to focus on and set a routine around helped.
It sucks that you missed this deadline, but maybe you can find some summer courses to sign up for. Or sometimes schools do late sign ups for an extra fee.
Regardless, I’m glad to hear you’re “ok”. I’m sorry that things have been rough. I hope things get better