My project is at a standstill. I think I have a workaround for one of my problems, but that still doesn’t completely solve it. I have to rely on the kindness of strangers. My teammate forgot he said he’d look at the motors. I had to remind him as he was leaving. He took them with him. He said he would be out of town this weekend. The likelihood of it getting done is slim. I didn’t think I needed to be over his shoulder to make sure it gets done. The underclassman was too busy to solder. Too busy to even bother messaging me. So I don’t know what to do. Another lab mate might be able to do it Sunday. I feel bad. He’s going through his own problems and he’s technically graduated already. I’ve offered him nothing in return. Because I can’t. The kindness of strangers only works if it is reciprocated. Since I’m useless, not many would bother to help. I can’t offer them anything. It’s what makes my teammate forget. What makes the underclassman not even bother to take 15 seconds to message me. The kindness of strangers.
I’ve been having fantasies of my own funeral. Of the aftermath of my death. The grief it would cause. I think that means I’m not that serious about it. Thinking about your last letter is one thing, but this seems like it’s just play when I imagine the other stuff.
My advisor is coming back next week apparently. How bad will the fallout be?