I’m probably being stupid, I keep thinking that the only reason that I should continue living is so that my family don’t end up hurt but I’m starting to question my theory. I found my release a week or so ago, cutting, it helped me a bit. Whenever I got shouted at for poor conduct at school or something, I’d concentrate on the pain and everything else would just go silent no matter HOW hard they scream at me, I just wouldn’t hear it. It’s become a routine, planning out and researching how to end my pathetic existence that can’t even affect society, if I were to die, I’d want my death to be certain but now hurt any other people like mentally scarring train drivers, I can’t have a failed attempt, I just couldn’t face my family, I’ve been in therapy for a different reason once, it’ futile, they can’t help me, I just lied my way out of it, the longer I was in therapy, the more hurt my parents became, my mom broke down and my chirpy dad stayed silent so I lied and lied. I don’t want them hurt, I WANT their help but I’m such a weakling to face them and tell them that I’m really sad. I took many tests online and confronted many people through the internet stating how I have severe clinical depression however, upon asking my dad about it, he just laughed and replied to me saying that the country’s just emphasizing a non-existent disease. I believe him. He’s always right. But as a cry out for help, I wore short-sleeves 24/7 whether I’m out shopping or talking to them, I freely showed my slit wrists hoping they’d just notice.
but they didn’t. Do they even care? I swear, I’ve shown all the symptoms of severe depression even before the tests I took, my mom’s a nurse, she didn’t notice AT ALL?
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I feel actually how you feel. My family do not give two fucks.
At least they gave at least ONE fuck about something you wanted.
Parents don’t notice, because they’re selfish.
I hope mine fit into that small category that aren’t *sigh*
It could be because they don’t know HOW to react. My dad has seen mine, he still always does. He doesn’t give a fuck, at all.
My old friend and I just caught up on a lot of shit. She told me that he’s not reacting because you expect them to care, and you expect them to make you stop cause you want a little attention. You’re hungry for it.
Their your parents though, you’re supposed to expect them to care.
Anyways, everything will get better, trust me.
20% of teens consider suicide or commit it.
It’s crazy. But just know, you mean everything to me.
And if you’re reading this right now, you’re alive. Stay That Way.
Stay That Way – Joel Faviere.
Honestly, I’m waiting for my grandparents to go first, I’ll wait forever if I have to, their hearts, I know will break. Probably theirs alone.
I can relate, druggie therapy made me feel like snorting more meth and poppin more e.
And I remember I opened up to my dad about my anxiety problems and he told me to quit being a *****, I resent him because he brought me into this world im trying so hard to leave.
Suicide’s so much more complicated than one thinks, no? I had therapy for bringing a weapon to school ACCIDENTALLY, people saw it, reported it and I got into a lot of trouble, I’m supposedly “homicidal”.
Don’t bother. they never do.
I see.