I am 17 years old and have been depressed for a few years now, suicidal for about a year at least… I keep reading things online about how depression is only going to get better, but in my case it keeps getting worse. My health continues to spiral downwards and make me feel like a complete invalid.
A few months ago I believe I posted another story here regarding the reasoning’s behind my depression and since then it has become much worse. The thought of suicide has become an idea that is able to make me feel at peace.
My whole life has been a battlefield between me and my health, this battle has been going on for about 9 years, maybe longer. There have been times when I would win a battle but no matter what I would end up losing soon after… It seems almost every time I go to the doctors I find out something new is wrong with me, either that or the old things that were wrong with me haven’t gotten better, or have gotten worse. I don’t remember the last time I heard any good news.
Due to my health issues my physical pain is getting worse and worse which is a sure sign that something bad is happening, I am not sure how to react anymore. Nowadays I hope for some seriously bad news about my health that would result in my demise, but no matter what it is always something I can suffer through and usually isn’t very fatal.
Before the thought of my family being hurt would stop me from wanting to commit suicide, but it doesn’t really phase me anymore… Its quite sad. I have many problems that not even a therapist or talking about would even come close to fixing. After much thinking I’ve realized the only way my depression would go away is if I died, or I got my life back… But there is no special pill that can fix everything that is wrong with me, nor anything the doctors can do. They can fix some things, but the means of fixing it would create 1000 more problems in its place, problems that would grow to become more harmful to me than the last…
Does anyone know what I can do? I really do want to live, but I don’t want to suffer any more… I want help, but I honestly don’t know who, or what can help me… If anyone knows something email me at Soroside@aim.com I would appreciate any advice, or information on this matter.
3 comments
i sent you an email 🙂
Once a person is damaged, they can never completely be the person they once were, coming to peace with everything is the only way to move forward, but this is harder than it sounds. I just had to do a lot of soul searching and had to remember what it was that used to make me happy before I hit rock bottom. Once you find a passion, something to be a driving force, that’s when you’ll get your life back. Don’t just try and occupy the time with anything, you need to do something you’ll love otherwise you’ll just live a mediocre life.
I’m 17 as well, been depressed for a few years too. My suicidal intentions have been on and off, and apparently the depression will go away after you hit 18 and leave the house because a new enviorment should helP apparently. I dont believe it they are just trying to keep us alive longer.
Suicide is a funny word and so is death. I always laugh when someone tells me somebody died (heartless I know), but the joy they must feel from being freed of the pain while the family resorts to thinking it’s the worst thing that has befallen them.
I haven’t gotten checked up in a long time, so for all I know I could have inherited cancer from my family since they keep getting it or even diabetes, but to no avail. Also the idea of therapy helping seems stupid.
Smoke some weed if it’s really got you messed up (kidding thats stupid advice even though it is helpful).