realisations

I never liked life for what it appears to be: a process of disilllusionnement

I was trusting and full of hope as a kid, but this was because I used to idealize life and people’s intentions

life experiences later, I’ve become rather suspicious and apathetic

I don’t think we’re here to find our purpose or happiness .. I feel like we’re here to chase after things, only to realize those things were just illusions .. the more you believed the illusion to be real, the more brutal the wake-up will be, the harder it is to swallow the pill of letting go

I was led to believe in certain ideas: God, it’s valuable to be a ‘good’ person, studies are important … life made sure to ridicule those beliefs and I no longer live by them, they weren’t even mine to begin with

I’m left with one conviction: death means going back to wherever you came from .. I have no interest in being after/involved in things I perceive to be illusions (money, relationships, studies, work etc) .. I want something REAL, something that is NOT limited in TIME

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it’s my opinion you can’t gain nor lose anything real, it’s already a part of you and will always be .. approval, love, money, attractive features etc: these things can be gained, lost or will fade because they aren’t real ..  social conditioning planted in us the belief those factors do increase our value and that losing them implies losing some to a lot of it

it can be hard to let go of people because the belief they’re linked to our value is deeply rooted .. it’s hard to feel secure because we weren’t taught we’re entitled to love ourselves the way we are .. on the contrary, we’re constantly reminded we need to fix this or that ‘flaw’ .. the manipulation runs really deep

there isn’t one thing to gain that will make you a somebody .. maybe we’re all somebodies regardless of our looks, possessions etc and we find this incredibly hard to accept because we’ve been taught otherwise (over and over again)