I don’t enjoy my life. I havent suffered a major tragedy or anything, I just dont enjoy it. I dont like my body but seem unable to change it. I’m tired ALL the time. Completely unmotivated. A job I cant stand. Friends who all have their own families and things going on. Always worrying about bills and how I’ll get by. And I just dont see it changing. I mean, I really dont.
This isn’t an emotional decision, it’s a logical one. I have thought and thought about it. If I dont enjoy my life and I dont see it getting better, why shouldn’t I just end it?
That being said, let me add that I dont have an immediate plan to kill myself. For all the thinking about it that I’ve done over the years, I find I’m too scared or unsure of the outcome to do it. What I can say is that if someone handed me a pill that would, without fail, end my life…I would take it. But it seems like all the realistic methods are either too unsure or just too gory and I cant do that to the family who would find me. I even hate the thought of leaving them with the financial burden of my funeral.
I guess even suicide is beyond my reach. What other choice is there? I’m on antidepressants, have been for years. They help a little, but I’m convinced that this isn’t a chemical imbalance or anything like that. I just DONT enjoy my life. No medication is going to make me like my miserable life. I wake up and go through the same thing every day. I tolerate my existence, but just barely.
Not even sure why I’m posting here. I dont think anyone can say anything that I havent already heard or read. I know people can’t offer advice on “methods” here.
Just seeing what happens, I guess.
3 comments
I know how you feel about not enjoying your life. I have a pretty good life, but I never want to do anything. I am always avoiding family functions . I’m a lone but have love all around me. I push people away. why? why must I isolate myself from the world?
I would take that pill too. If it was OTC how many more successful suicides would there be?? Staggering to think of. Researching methods is depressing… so many ways to fail.
As for funeral costs, you could look into donating your body to science.
I don’t know why you shouldn’t just end it 🙁 but I hope you do find some hope.
Logical indeed. But humans haven’t evolved to be logical. They have their own distorted version of what logic is. Anyhow, I agree with yours. But my illogical side doesn’t want suicide to happen. It comes down to whichever one wins over.