what i feel.

i kind of feel like nothing. you know?

as in. i feel empty, literally.
like i have no stomach, or liver, or kidneys, or lungs just nothing. i feel nothing. im just an outline of a figure holding a sad soul, that has already died.

the only thing i know exists is my brain, because the voices are haunting it.

my feelings are gone. i thought i felt numb before, and would occasionally notice a feeling, of somewhat happiness that would last mere seconds.

but now. it’s like i don’t even recognise emotion.

i ‘smile’.
it feels like any other movement.
it doesn’t hold any true feeling of happiness. nothing. just my muscles forming into a crescent vision.

i ‘laugh’.
i want to slap myself as i sound so odd and unrealistic.
the noise, it feels out of place leaving my mouth.

indeed. they come when they normally would, after a joke, when something kind happens. therefore they have stopped becoming forced. but they have lost their representation of anything. just a instinctive movement, to keep up the facade.

i am truly lost.
but the difference from before is that.
the want… the need… the desperation to get out, is gone.

and im finally ready to give up.