Hell

It’s fine
I’m fine.
everything is fucking perfect.
no.
wait.
that’s a lie.
it isn’t.
and it won’t be.
“comon you idiot, smile. fake it! fake it!”
shut up coscience.

Look, pick your damn head up.
look in his eyes.
comon!
look!
jackie!
“I can’t…”
“he’s crying.”
“i’m dead…finally.”
he’s crying.
no, he’s laughing.
they all are.
they all are happy.
she’s dead, she’s dead, out her ankle she bled yay yay she’s dead.
they chant.
fucking cunts.
how am I seeing this.
my death.
holy fuck am I dead.

wake up.
wake up.
wake up.
wake up.
wake up.
shut up.
no.
I’m fine…
It’s okay…
no, hell, it’s a nightmare.
nightmare.
“but i’m dead…i should’nt be dreaming.”
wake up.
wake up.
damnit i said wake up!.

“who are you.”
“why am i beeping.”
it’s a machine.
“what happened.”
you died.
“I what?”
your in a hospital.
“but…”
we saved you.
“fuck you **** doctors”
“I wanna die.”
“I was supposed to die.”
“i was bleeding out on my bed.”
“why aren’t I dead?”
hah that rhymed.
shut up coscience.

*********************************************************
I woke up in the hospital. the machine is beeping. I thought I was supposed to be dead. I cut my ankle. why aren’t i dead. “fucking **** doctors!” i yelled. someone came in frowning. “Miss, there is a little girl in the next room!” she said “oh, fucking well. You guys saved me, you guys put up with me.” i said. she smiled. “you must be the suicide patient.” she said. “and you must be the ***** who helped save me.” i said. to be honest cutting my ankle was a mistake but oh damn well, cancer’s gonna kill and i’m gonna cut. and die. or wake up in a fucking hospital.
***********************************************************
that’s how my day went a few days ago. man I died. It was different than I thought it would be…it was like…i was having a nightmare…on replay. did I go to hell?…anyways, thinking about it scares me but I had to tell someone and you guys are just so supportive….so…i posted it. bye I’m gonna have another visit with my counselor.

*~dead_dreamer~*