I’m a 20 year old girl, i have a job i don’t miss a day, i have no real friends i spend all my time playing computer games and thinking bout what i am gonna do to change my life so ill be happier but then i remember who i am and how its worthless trying to fix myself when i cant be fixed i was teased through high school we were kinda poor so i couldn’t afford any nice clothes i wore so many handy downs u could tell i was poor i was a loser i still am i dropped outta high school got a job thought i was happy but over the recent few months it has just hit me I’m turning 21 soon i have no friends no life and its all because i wasn’t able to connect to people i was too shy I’m still shy i push everyone away the minute i get closer I’m so scared of people seeing me the way i see myself that id rather end it I’ve only ever had one boyfriend he never treated me the way i no an interested guy would i thought i was just too ugly i felt rejected that where i started to realise im not very pretty well then he turned gay he has a boyfriend now i don’t no why but it hurts a little I’m happy for him tho I’ve been talking online starting relationships with guys just for the feeling that someone wants me for then i just stop talking to them last few weeks I’ve been thinking bout how i just want a new life want this 1 to be over already
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Being poor is not just about clothes , it hurts your emotions and personality
then you can’t prepare a good relation with your boyfriend and the people outside
We have the same story , just look at my biography
suicideproject[dot]org/author/matianus/
Everyone may condemn us for being weak , but they don’t know the hardships we face,
I’m not weak , I’m just confused , looking for change
Thanks for sharing this , At least I know I’m not alone
Yes you are strong rose_green it seems like you are very self reliant too. Things went downhill for me after I left school and started working.
At work you see the damnedest things. They want you to join their team during the interview then you get jammed into some converted broom closet with a porky guy who cannot stop farting. You wait patiently for the boss to get his nose out of the big bosses ass, so that you can hear about how slow you are and what your damn assignments are. Then you go home exhausted and lock the world outside so that you can rest and heal for another day of the tragedy you call your career.
At least you had a little luck in discovering that you want a boyfriend. I’m so far down the shitter that I cannot think of a single damned thing that I really want. Plus you’re 21 and probably damn sexy. Most guys don’t care about clothes makeup nails or hair. All that just screams “spoiled prudent selfish drama queen.” We just want a girl to be calm low-maintenance and good in bed.
You go get yourself a nice mellow boyfriend who makes life better a little bit for you. Start thinking of what little improvement you might want next. Thanks for sharing part of your story and good luck to you rose_green 🙂
I was head boy (prefect) and our student body president during my last year of high school – lots of attention … but what really got attention was the fact that I was so poor, that I had just one pair of trousers, which, because it was (a lot) darker than the (required) school uniform, made me, somewhat embarassingly, quite conspicuous (“The poor loser addressing the assembly again”). I tried once even wearing a pair that was slightly more conspicuous, but which I thought I could get away with, for a day, and got called out for it by a teacher : “That is not acceptable – you should know better”, in front of other students – I could share a few stories of being belittled due to being really poor, and yes, it caused me to have really low self esteem – for many years hardly able to look someone in the eye when talking, self – conscious, with feelings of worthlessness, not socialising at all, and just drearily plodding along … poverty definitely can hurt – “Poverty is brutal, consuming and unforgiving. It strikes at the soul.” ~ NY Times columnist – but, it does get better – YOU can make it better – regardless of your past / current circumstances, you know you have a lot to offer … Be well …
Rose_green, you should pick up online gaming. There’s a million desperate, lonely men who feel just as isolated and bad as you do. Many of them would jump at the chance to date someone who shares their introverted hobbies and doesn’t make them feel bad for being shy and lacking in alpha male qualities. It’s extremely easy for female gamers to find attention if they want it. Just be warned you may get some *unwanted* attention as well.
^
Like World of Warcraft.
haha um i already play wow >.>
starting to think maybe it is a good idea figuring out a few things i want to change in my life and work on that for awhile – like my shyness
thnx for the comments it is nice to know im not alone and there are people out there who have some of the same problems as me
Ah, that’s good. As an ex WoW player who played for 6 years, you and I both know women seem to have to pry flirtatious guys off them when they play that game. That could be due to how many younger gamers subscribe to WoW, but surely you could join an adult guild and just see where that goes. I don’t think online-only is a good way to do a relationship, but the point is it can be a starting point where you can find some people who share your common interest.
And yeah, definitely not alone. Toooons of guys feel like women are this unachievable distant prize that they have no shot at. By moving in their direction just a little bit, you may be able to pick up a decent guy who’s just a little too shy to make the first move. Alpha male doesn’t necessarily mean better, and there are plenty of betas who can make you happy if you give them a shot.
Anyways, good luck. I applaud even identifying things you want to work on. Everyone has areas that need work but not everyone is able to see them or admit they exist.