tired of life, tired of people, tired of me

I really can’t take it. I just want to take a break. I just want to be happy. I don’t want to try and live like this anymore. I tried okay? I tried so hard to focus on life. And I just can’t reach it. Even though I’m young, I’ve never felt this pain ever before. It hurts as bad as hitting by a truck. I want to cry, but all I have is a mask that covers me when I’m badly injured. I told them, I was fine, just felt kinda tired for sleeping too late. But no. I tried everything to end this. I told them after finding out that this has gone worst, that I might commit suicide. They say don’t, and begged. But all I hear was “Do it!”. I continue to say, “I was joking.”

Although, I was serious. This might be my final choice. I just have to have the right death.

My friends uses me as a doll. My best friend was gone. I am left out. I am dumb and stupid. I have no sense of logic, I tried so hard to have a good grade, but it fails everytime I have the motivation to do it. So, people would not help me, cause my grades are low. My mom and dad likes to talk to my older brother. I think my brother might be an incest, he keeps getting his head close to my body. My cousins won’t talk to me, they’d rather have fun with my older brother. So clearly, my brother is the only one that seem important to my family. I don’t have a lover, no one seem to notice me. I always think that there is a lot of people that are better than me, which pressures me a lot. I hate me.

I know that a lot of people are struggling to life. The poors, the homeless, the drunk, the so-much-in-debt. But they are used to be like that in life. I am not. I’ve been like this for 2 years. And I can never live this way. I am too, struggling in life. Try to make my parents, teachers, and others that are concerned, that I am okay. I am not. I can’t take this. I’ve been running for a hundred mountains. I’m tired. I just want a break in life.