….Life Is But A Dream….

Unlike most kids, some nursery rhymes haunted me. One of those is Row Your Boat. It’s almost like… I don’t know. It’s almost like it’s about a depressed person, just going through life, feeling like it’s just a dream. That’s definitely how it feels now to me. Every second is just a dream. I’ll probably wake up soon, and I’ll be 8 again. My grandpa won’t die, and life will be perfect. Trevor will never have existed. Lacey won’t die. Nana won’t hate me. My mom will be proud of me. Maybe I can do something. But then again, I don’t want this to be a dream. I’ve got Charlie. My mom might not ever be proud of me, but I have succeeded before. I do all the time. But I have faults, too. I’m too fat. I’m just gonna skip lunch as much as I can at school. Then I can eventually stop eating at home, too. Maybe everyone will finally think that I”m acceptable. I mean, hell, right now, I don’t care. I mean, I do, but…. I just want someone to love me. But I know that no one will. Not with the way I am right now. If they liked me, they would have done something. Besides, I didn’t know this, but Trevor is abusive. He’s obviously not a real man, and he will never be. He never was nice to me, anyway. Never. He always had an I’m-better-than-you attitude. He acted like he was a prince and I was his servant. Well guess what! I’m not! I’m not just some girl that he can treat like that. I won’t take it. Kendall might not care, but I do. I deserve better. I deserve a whole hell of a lot better. Anyway, I have to go. Bye for now.