i don’t even know why i’m on here. it’s not like people want to know about me anyways, but ohkay. i’m cat and i turn 15 in november. i’ve been suffering with OCD, depression, anxiety and body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). the body dysmorphic disorder is the worst because i got homeschooled because of it. i would sit there and stare at myself for hours and cry when i should be getting ready. i would punch myself in the face or wrists and pull my hair or skin. i started out just being constantly late to school, but now i’m so afraid of people seeing me how i see myself. i got bullied growing up, i’m sure everyone has, but i got stabbed and choked until i passed out by people i thought were my friends. i grew up without a dad because he raped my mom, so i know myself as a rape accident. people get mad when i don’t take compliments, but i try to explain i don’t believe them. i honestly hate myself and see myself as one big flaw. i see every little detail in myself only to hope every person in public doesn’t see any of them. i gave up on trying to impress people because i always got thrown down. now every word they said infected my brain and it’s all true to me. i beat myself up inside and out so other people don’t have to. i actually made a date to shoot myself in the head, and every time i fight with my family i just want to blurt it out. the only one who really understands what i’m going through is my sister. i am actually holding her life with mine. aside that, my cousin puts me down all the time. telling people bad things about me, telling me what i can or can’t do. i’ve given up so much and i just want to feel like… ohkay at least. i don’t expect happiness because i think it’s a lie, but i just want to be better.
P.S here’s me.. i wish it wasn’t. (notice my long sleeves)
5 comments
Even though I do not understand how you are feeling, I do understand what it is like to be the sister. My sister killed herself over a year ago and I was the one who found her. I am not trying to make this about me. Just know that your sister will never leave your side and make sure to lean on her as much as you can because she will help you through this. I only wish I could have helped my sister more than I did. Remember you are a beautiful young woman and I hope soon you find a friend that will accept you for the person you are. We all have flaws and all have things we want to change about ourselves that is normal for each and every person. We may not know each other but I will be your friend. Please take care.
Thanks for sharing a part of your story and your picture Cat. You are very pretty welcome aboard. 🙂
Hey sweetie :3
Feel free to talk to me anytime, I’m almost 16 but can relate to OCD and depression :/
thank you . do you have a kik or something?
it’s just a lot because my sister is a year younger than me. and she is hurting herself as well. she’s depending on me to be her idol figure and she said i’m pretty much the only reason she’s alive. i don’t want anything to happen to her. i couldn’t imagine what i’d do to myself in anything did either. i’d feel like it’s all my fault, and this thing happens where i can’t stop myself from hurting myself, and by the time i already hurt myself, that’s when i realized i even did it. it’s like i can’t control my body.