For the last 6 months I’ve been suicidal…
If I ever commit suicide there are a couple of things I want to accomplish first…
1 become a professional artist (right now I draw in an anime/manga style really good
2 fall in love (once) maybe twice if I’m lucky…
3 go to Japan (maybe Tokyo or Kyoto, or Osaka or HokkaidÅ)
4 Become Atheist or Christian (currently I’m an agnostic theist and kind of Buddhist)
5 earn some money
6 buy a motorcycle or a nice car
8 maybe rent an apartment (a really nice one)
9 become healthy (have a healthy heart, have a healthy mind)
10 ‘attempt’ to kill myself first and see if I really want to commit suicide…
I probably won’t even complete half of the things on this list I’m trying to learn Japanese but sometimes it’s really hard to learn a new language…I’m still not 100% sure if god exists and not completely atheist either but I think I’ll become atheist sooner or later … I might kill myself before I complete even 1 thing on this list there are a couple of ways I would kill myself
1 drink a lot of alcohol (get alcohol poisoning)
2 shoot myself in the chest or stomach area (internal bleeding)
3 smoking (anything)
4 sleeping in a car with the a/c on
5 get people so mad at me that they would want to kill me or hurt me
6 try playing with a vicious dog or wild animal (try hugging a lion)
7 try swimming in crocodile infested waters
8 get like 300 sleeping pills and try to take them all
9 cut myself then take some pills that thin out your blood (like aspirin)
10 start insulting someone who is very violent and aggressive
Note: I was only serious about 1, 2,3,4,8 and 9 I’m not serious about the rest …
I won’t kill myself now because I don’t have enough ‘material’ to kill myself and I want to start high school first
I’m still not sure if I want to go to Japan I mean I think it’s an awesome place but I should just try to forget about it cause I don’t know Japanese…
I really tried to trust god but I just ended up not believing in him anymore since I felt so alone
it’s  about time to end this all
4 comments
A lot of the time, I feel down and I am very negative and hard on myself, too. But you have a lot more goals than I ever had at your age, and to be honest, the things you have to live for sound a lot more exciting and fun than the methods of dying. I hope that you choose to live. I have come to the realization that a lot of my negativity is just negative thoughts and ideas from pissant people who never cared about me to begin with. Hope you choose to live 🙂
Just so you know.. Japanese usually takes 8-9yrs to learn. My older sister studied it for years and she can speak japanese just like a pro (we’re brazilians btw).. I actually know 2 alphabets (katakana and hiragana). If you really want to, you can learn any language!
*facepalm….you not even in the real world yet….your problems are an illusion
That’s part of the problem. Many people begin experiencing “real problems” before they even enter “the real world.” By the time they reach “the real world,” if they even make it that far, they’ve already taken so much damage that they can only struggle and fall further behind.