Suicide Creepin’ Into My Mind

So…Hi

I’ve had some big and stressful issues happen lately in my family, and I’ve completely blocked myself from everyone so really I don’t have anyone to talk it and I’ve been diagnosed with depression and bad anxiety. I thought I could rely on my friends to support me, but instead they just said “Sorry” for forcing me to tell them what’s wrong and never spoke about it again. I went to a school counsellor because I didn’t want my mum knowing I was like this because she would just blame me and say that I was being dramatic. Anyways, they gave up on me, so once again I had no one. It got to the stage where I had myself to talk to and that’s it. I have extremely bad anxiety/panic attacks and instead of people helping me, they would mock me, laugh and just stare at me… I know I act tough, I act like nothing will ever bring me down, but I know myself I am weak.

I have been planning on this for a while, At first I wasn’t really caring on the pain that happened, as long as I died. My first option was Bleach, considering it would definitely kill me. Then I was researching, and wanted to somehow get my hands on Hydrogen Cyanide gas or Potassium Cyanide salts, but realised I couldn’t. I am 100% on killing myself soon, and Its really the only thing I want to do. Everyday hurts more and I just cant be bothered being apart of society and their ways. I don’t even know what’s the point of this post but mainly I just want advice of how or when to do it really…