Ok I read here a lot and have posted here when I have been feeling way off he planet, which is increasing often now. I feel “ok” right now. But there are some things I want to know.
1st this is how it is:
Not always but in the mornings when I wake up can feel like a light switch in my brain has been switched off.    Feels/sounds like dousing a match in water like. Like waking up and then just deflating (Always Followed by nonfunctional bad days)
Generally allways being “aware” that im sad / horrible / hurting all the time. Not fitting in.( I would call this feeling normal or ok ) But the thinest ice away from visible emotion cracking down.
Feeling incredibly good. “Happy” for for hours or sometimes days. Then most usually followed right after by feeling shattered miserable as low as possible craving an immediate end.
Other times. Generally Feeling rotton worthless and thinking myself into a such a horrible mess just to feel a little “ok” afterwards. 🙁
Here is the question though:
If you can relate to the above. If you have gotten help (or know of someone else), and been prescribed medication. What did it do for you? Does it make you happy? Does it make you level? Does it stop the anxiousness the darkness. Does it make you ok.  Does it make you functional like could I go find a job knowing I am not likely to need to disapear randomly to try and level out like? Or did it do bad?
Why do I ask. Because some times I dont want to die.
Thankyou if you reply.
6 comments
Oh.. there’s bound to be someone on here who can give you good advice, better then me.. but this is what I see/know from my personal experience, of course it’s different for everyone.
If you have happy periods for more then a day… you’re lucky! I mean, I don’t think it’s major deppressive illness. Do you have crazy highs for no reason? just happy and you don’t know why? might be bi-polar and yes you can get medication to be leveled out. I have major deppressive illness, happiness is very ellusive to me and only seems to come as a matter of hours at a time, a day at the very most (usually when I have a boyfriend, I seem to be unable to be happy within myself, I know i shouldn’t rely on another to be happy and that’s why my relationships always fail, but that’s another story..).. and yeah again if I have a happy day… it’s bound to be followed by a woeful low.
I don’t know. I don’t even know if I feel “ok” right now… better then I did yesterday because I’m not currently trying ways to kill myself, I was earlier this week.. but that idea.. what if i stay around… i won’t know if i go. even though it is so fucking painful to be here everyday. I’m on medication right now… for deppression, but the fact I can still have these suicidal lows.. means it’s not working! It’s the third one i’ve tried. They don’t make you happy. I WISH there was such thing as a happy pill. They are however supposed to level you out when they work, you have to find the one that works for you… I hope to hear other’s views too, and I wish you goodluck!
i have heard different things about medication, and im starting on meds at some point, although the guy i was supposed to talk to about getting them quit… they affect different people different ways, some people get evened out, some people get really happy. my friend conor took one of his friends’ meds and he was seeing things. ive heard about somebody who flushed their meds and they talked to her on the way down. theres really no way of knowing what they will do for you, but if you experiment with different meds (with doctors monitoring of course) you will probably eventually find some that work in the way you want.
Hi, I really sypmathise with your feelings. For me, medication is not a solution or will even help it will just ‘blot’ out the real issues which is a sense of deep unhappiness and unfulfillment. I really belive I was born unhappy and these feelings have been with me all my life. The truth for some of us is we just can’t put up with this way of life. To be honest, some of us ‘depend’ on the so called social help which keeps us down and it is a truely vicous circle. Face up to yourself and your issues and fight and if the worst comes to the worse and you don’t succeed you will be still better off than you are now.
Thanks for you replies I have been reading replies to other post earlier too so Thanks
I just wanted to reply to Karen… Yeah I feel the same way as you, that I was born like this, that I have felt like this all my life and I am just not made to cope with life in general… just wanted to let you know as you’re one of a very few I feel i can empathise with, I’ve tried to explain to my doctors before that’s how I felt, and they just don’t understand, and I think, surely they would’ve seen someone before in their life time with the same kind of feelings, being born unhappy… but apprently they haven’t! and I haven’t met someone in person, ever either. No one I’ve ever met can ever understand, heck I even find it hard to understand why I was born feeling this way and it seems most ppl weren’t… please karen if you feel like it, contact me, would be good to talk to someone who understands.
So I went to the docs and got onto some medication. So far its been 1 week of taking them. Yes it has made a difference – so far. 1st 3 days I felt very weird. I Havnt cried in 5 days woot. I have only done the watery eyes thing once in the last 5 days. I havnt been suicidal in the last 8 days. Although I do feel something else like as if I wish to vomit or a knot in my stomach kind of when I am really low or in the mornings. It may just be a plecebo effect as I wasnt so sure these things would really kick in so quick. Even so its nice to have a break from wanting to kill myself every day for the last … as long as I can remember.