very long story. plz read

sister became rebellious. i got punished for her actions. moved away to another counrty. dad didnt come with. got bullied at school. girls acted like friends but stole from mw.  i switch schools the nwxt year. sister rebells smokes weed and does stuff with a boy. mom hates me . she hits us , and makes us do everything by ourselves. its like we have no mom. at school no one stalks to me for months they think im emo.  everything okay for awhile. dad comes home. spends 20000 dolars all of our savingz. on a lady he cheatdd on my mom multiple times including when i wss 2. i soon find out my mom favorsmmy aister more than me since i get punished by her actions. i feel hated. kids at school finally talk to me. turn friends with girls lily amd haley. everything is fine until haley tginks i like her boy friend. i dont i had a boyfriend. me and him were really seriojs. me Nd haley stop talking. aftef 4 months exact i end things with my boyfriend. we were unusually mature for kids. ik i will never get him back and another like him. me amd him had that connection. i jjst felt pure happiness around him.my dad has aalchole addiction. he hits my mom once. i walk into her room and fins a email she never finsished to my dad telling him that she sometimes feels like tomcommit suicide. she doesnt thoe. my dads verbally abuses her moee thoe. my mom and dad abuse us phyically and verbally. like everyday, not physically everyday thoe. high school starts. im used to my dad alqays being drunk and cheatin alot. my mom hatin us. im not close tommy sis either. i had only lily as a best friend. one day i cant take it in a decemebr. i bjy a sharperner from my grandmas shop and i startcutting in the night. i make a cut for everything that has ever hurt me. i hide it because ir was cold and we had on sweaterz. mh sis sees it and she tells me she knows . she used to cut too. but we never continue from there. i ,ove music espically eminem. anyways his music keeps me anchored for awhile. i try to stop cutting. but i cant really. my guy friend in high school i was 13. introduces me to weed. i become very addicted to it. i smoke cigarrets and weed in my room. by that time my sister has a boyfriend and he wven shows me how to roll it. i slowly put myself into a deeper depression. me and my sistee finally are kind of close. my mom stops ignoring us and she talka to us. but she still verbally and sometimes physica,ly abuss us. so does my dad. but he still is the same way. my life is like a rollercoaster. somwtimes its okay and then bam something happens. it barely stays okay fro a few days.a dude in his third year of high school starts talking to me. he first is mt friend and slowly starts to become more than that. he smokes weed too. he convinces me to go with him to a river. which i do. and there he lets say fingers me , no more than that, it was my first time. i go home . a few weeks later my mom doesnt allow me to go anywhere because somehow a teacher found ojt and wanted to expell me , it was a catholic school. but im not. that night i finallh tell my best friends. lily and a new friend jacky. i tell jacky first even thoe were not that close. but i wanred to end it there. and lilg wasnt online facebook. she tells me not to do it. so does lily after a few hours when she cpmes online. i end up just cutting myself. i dont love that guy but he soon becomes someone i depend on to care about me. i still loved my boyfriend from when i was younger. i sometimes cut his letter. ik crazy. im certain im a little bipolar, so i think my mom. but none of htis is acctually proven. i continue with this guy. my friend lily tells me she cuts also. but i think she wants attention i might or might not tell the reasons y. lets jusg say when i tell her something all of a sudden she has the same thing, or does the same thung,or has the same problem. but i cant judge a persons life. i have a new ediyion to my friends lily jacky and jenna. jenna alao tells me jacky cuts to but forna reason i dont get y. she cuts because her mom cares about her too much. anywahs me and this dude start to have sex. and even did it in my house. around these times im completely messed up. i dont feel like the same person anymore. i was 14 . im 14 right now , im gonna be 15 in a few months. well one day when my sis and parents are gone. he comes over and we smoke and have sex. which then we were caught i i got in serious troublw. i was beaten hard, called a whore. my family hated me. but i felt likw i couldnt stop anymore, i needed to hold on to something tjat can make me happy. since weed was gone and me and the dude were in no communication i started to get addixted yo the medicine benadryle. i drank it everyday to the point were i wasnt wven gettin high on it i got it just for the satisfaction. lily wasnt no help either i find that she encourages me. she told me tnat she could buy more for me. i believe she is very selffish. jacky also stops talking to me amd talks more to jenna. im now in the second year of high school. i kimd of stopped cutting i do it when i really really have to. i got over benadryl but i still have a calling formweed. i miss the feeling and i want it more. ik i can easily get it but i choose not to for the bsst. jacky tells jenna me and her have nothing in common. she also starts to want to hang with more slutty girls. lily is very emo . she is not depressedmbut wants people to think so , she cuts and does watevery i do. jenna used to be depressed as she once told me but that was a long time ago. ive gotten way closer to her now. today is her birthday. ive tried to commit sucide a couple of times but for some reason ive never died. while here i got some faith in god and pray to him for strength. sometimws i make jokes saying he doesnt want me to die. sinxe ive tried yo kill myself. i use needles to hurt myself somdyimes. i even hit myself, i feel like im a whore and im not worthy enough for anybkdy. that im hated and useless. that it will never be okah. i dont know when itmwill get better. everyone promised me that but it just gets worse. the beatings that hate. i hatw my dad but still love my mom, becausw  i understand y she is like this and i forgive her.enough is enough and im tired of always being hurt.ive been in depression for 3 years. my family is so horrible and corrupted. i dont trust anybody fully to tel, them everything. councillers t school are close minded and dont help at all. the guy who had sex with me is talkimg tomme at this moment also 2 guys who ik really likw me. but i dont get y they would like someone like me. im horrible and they deserve better. when i cry the only person who showed that they cared was jenna. lily told jenna that i was annoying her bwcause i was crying. and jenna didnt like it maybe she could help but i really think its too late. ik i wont kill myself anytime soon but im already tired of fighting. tired of being some used, abused drig addict. and yet i dont look that way. some call me pretty and im very popular now for some reason. bjut yet im so alone. i keep on falling back into this endless cycle. i even sent the guy i did it with pictures of myself. idk wats wrog with me , i feel like im not even living anymore. right nownim in my room . ive already self harmed with a needle. ik the abuse will never stop.  my dad even made me feel worthlesss and like a whore. he tried to hug me but i hate it. i vreak the hug and i told him i dontmlike fetting touchdd. and he grabs my srm and says u dont like getting touched? thats  lie because u seemed to like it with that guy in ur bed. my sister heard it ttoo. i feel horribel abut myself and i believe im turning into one. plz help me . i probably sont kill myself but i need someone to talk to. what ive said isnt all of what has happened in my life. but that would bd too long, as this is already too long. Also in the country I am in, parents cant be arrested for being abusive.