I’m just your average 13 year old girl. Trying to fit in with society. Trying to be perfect. But, perfection isn’t what I want anymore. I want to be saved.
In 6th grade (Last year) I was bullied. I cried to my teachers, principals and everything. They clearly didn’t care. Such names as Hoe, Slut, whore, ugly, fat, ugly, fake. I didn’t realize what I did to earn this. But, there was nothing I could do. I had about 15 good friends.
I have thought about cutting/ harming myself, but I haven’t. Not until this year.
Back in October, I was bullied even more. I cried every single day. I begged my mom not to send me to school, this lasted up until December. All because of a few people. Making my life a living hell. In January, I was put in home school.
I never really hurt myself until March.
My friends all left me, I got 4 real friends. I hardly talk to any of them. The all care for me, But I don’t even care for myself.
They tell me to stop before I kill myself.
But..
What if that’s what I’m waiting for? For that cut, that’s a little too deep.
Or
To take too many pills.
Or, drown at swimming.
I’m just waiting. Â Waiting for someone to realize how broken, hurt and lonely I am. Someone to care about me, and someone who will love me endlessly.
I just want to be saved.Â
2 comments
Hey kiddo. You’re a year older than my sister, so it pains me to see someone like you hurting so deeply.
I never was bullied much in school, occasionally picked on, sure, but most people left me alone because I was too creepy for being the quiet one…or because in my quietness I wasn’t seen. That in itself hurt much too.
I can laugh about it some days, but I don’t have any friends at all my age to talk to, and I’m turning 20 in two weeks.
By this age you would think I’d have lots of friends, a car, a job, a boyfriend…..
LOL nope.
But I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t let assholes you meet take you down. People in college said my quietness made them think of the shy, quiet people who ended up shooting up schools. Really? That never made me feel exactly happy.
So while right now you may feel this way, remember one day you’ll be out of school and on your own. People who pick on other people normally are the ones who feel so insecure and ugly about themselves inside they have to bring someone else down so they can feel better.
I’m not on here all the time, but I do try to check out the posts at least once a day. If you want to talk more, my email is gianna@buscetti.com. Don’t be afraid to shoot me email if you want to blow off steam away from the public eye. I’m a good listener. Especially when it comes to the cutting and suicidal thoughts.
Anyway, before I ramble too much, just remember, keep your head up 🙂
Oh honey, I am so sorry that people can be so mean. I am so sorry that you feel so alone. I am so sorry that you have been so hurt. I am glad you came to talk to us. I wish I could do something more for you, hug you and tell you everything is going to be okay. Just hang in there sweetheart, keep reaching out for help. I’m here for you and I know that the others on SP are too. You have found some good people.