I hate myself, I hate people, everything hurts. I don’t understand happy people. Even if someone is not a psycho, most people are assholes. Everything depresses me, the pills don’t work, the exercise doesn’t work, therapy doesn’t work. A 15 year old boy was raped in the bathroom of my local mall. You’d think a kid that age is safe to go alone to the bathroom. I read that two 12 year old girls stabbed another 12 year old girl 19 times. A man tried to sell his baby for $50. What the fuck is this shit hole? How can anyone be happy? Is everyone just oblivious to all the scum that is around them? No one to trust, all seconds of happiness are paid with an immense amount of pain. Betrayal, broken hearts, abuse, rape, hate. Why do  I have to be here, I didn’t ask to be here. All I wish is to have been aborted. I should be happy, I have a lot of things “going for me” but all I want to hide in my closet and die. I have to fight against myself to stop cutting myself because my husband will see me when I’m naked in front of him. I hate myself because I am not strong enough to be happy, that this sense of hopelessness paralyzes me. I wish I was normal, I wish I knew what happy felt like.
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5 comments
Hey there. Seems things are looking gray. What makes you feel that sad? There can be a lot of evil, but also much more good. You’ve got a husband right there!
How about putting news sources away for some days? Just focus on getting better.
And talk with us here or with whoever you want to. People here are very, very helpful and welcoming.
I was watching Supernatural last night and they had an episode which blatantly ripped off the “Slenderman” urban legend. I found it odd that it’d play after the recent news story to do with those three teenaged girls. Goes to show how fear mongering through word of mouth and the young adult’s mind make for a deadly combination.
The world sucks and there’s nothing we can do to permanently put a stop to it. Do what you can, when you can and ensure to make as much a difference as possible with the people you encounter in your own life. Nobody can expect anything more of you than that.
Wow, you sound just like me. Of course, there’s a whole lot more horrors going on in this nightmare, even right now. To make matters worse, I have to accept that none of these things matter or have any inherent value. People will tell you to let the negative thoughts go, and let the positive ones rush in. By doing that, though, I feel like I’d have to smile every time someone suffers.
Have you guys ever thought about what happens to a battery if it’s never allowed to be “negative?”
The “draw” sucks all the positive charge out of the battery, but it can’t replenish, and so it dies.
Don’t let anyone tell you not to be negative; you need negativity to keep yourself charged, so that positive energy can fill you, so that you will have charge to spend on accomplishing things.
it’s about balance, efficiency, and not allowing “draw” on your energy fields… which is far more difficult than it sounds, since almost everyone seems to learn that they need to “suck” energy from others, in order to survive. CUT THEM OFF. NO ‘SUCKERS’ ALLOWED.
Be “negative,” and suck in all the energy you need, to keep yourself charged enough to get done what needs doing. You have to stay charged to stay healthy. You have to limit the amount of energy exiting your “battery,” in order to make sure you have enough to keep yourself charged, and hence, able to apply energy to whatever circuit you hook into.
That’s how people get and stay strong enough to be happy. If you let things take your energy without giving it back, you’ll be a dead battery very soon.
The world is a terrible place, but the only thing we can do to improve it is to be optimistic, even if it means believing in something that won’t realistically happen. Maybe we are destined to be made extinct by natural disasters resulting from global warming. But maybe, just maybe, our fate is not sealed yet and there is something we can do to change it. I have been in your position, wanting to kill myself because the world is such a terrible place, but that “maybe” is what keeps me alive. What keeps me alive is that by being vegetarian I’m preventing the deaths of animals, and by buying sustainably sourced wood I’m not supporting the destruction of rainforests. What keeps me alive is that I’m not committing crimes, and by not committing crimes I’m helping prevent the crime rate increasing. What keeps me alive is hope. Maybe it’s too late. But on the other hand, maybe it’s not.
I know that probably sounded stupid, but nevermind. It’s my opinion.