life is useless for me…. i’m 40 years now…. i spent most of my life dealing with depression….. i took lot of antidepressents but for some reason i don’t feel i’m the same person after taking antidepressents for so long….. i wake up everyday thinking i have nothing to do, how will this day pass….. i try to sleep as much as possible but that doesn’t help always…. i have lived alone and don’t have friends so its gets tough… i feel i’m too old to make friends now…. i’m too old to start my life…. i have no goals, nothing to accomplish….. so why i’m living? i beg god to take me away….
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Sorry you are hurting. I feel I have set myself on the same path in life. Not even 30 yet, all my friends have left me behind, I don’t have a job nor any idea on how or where I’ll find one again. I do the same thing every day, wake up and try to figure out what I can do to kill time until it is time to go to sleep again. Don’t know what I would do without the internet and all the hours I can just waste sitting in this chair. I’m scared that it will never get better for me either and I will be 30 – 40 – 50 – 60, all never finding any friends or anything to do with my life. Although I suspect I will go absolutely insane from the loneliness somewhere along the long and probably end it instead of having to do this for decade after decade.
I wish something could happen for you, finding some friend that you didn’t expect to meet, or having something good happen unexpectedly. I wish for these things as well and never get them.
Hey, I’m new, like “this is my first post” kinda new. I’m 31 yr old female, feeling very similar to both u and the other person who replied. I’m a single mother tho… My child is 11yrs old and very energetic. I feel I hold him back n embarrass him. I have no friends, my family has deserted me, and it’s all my own fault! I fight with everyone, constantly… I don’t see how it’s me, but it has to be, it surely isn’t everyone else in the world. I’ve been on a downhill spiral for quite some time now, and it sucks! I know how u feel, like there’s no hope, no reason… But there is, there’s gotta be. Keep up ur fight as I try to let mine go. Best wishes 🙂
I doubt that you have no ambition, if it were the case, you would perhaps be less frustrated now. I do however empathise. I’m 48, a little older than you, have suffered recurrent bouts of depression since my late teens, watching it, the depression, gradually define my life. All it’s aspects.
A great deal of what you say rings true for me, the trying to sleep the depression out, easily done but dangerous, the impact on goals, on work and the pain of frustration that goes with it.
It is never too late to make change, it’s difficult and the past can act as a drag, bringing a sense of inevitable futility – this the language of the depression. It is not you.
I differ from you in one respect, although I live alone, I fear depression and it’s impact on relationships, I do have many friends and this a double edges sword.
A few but not many have seen me in a dark mood, I do not hide the fact that I have depression which to most is an abstract condition, they claim to understand, offer support but neither understand and would have no idea how to offer support. Those that have witnessed find it difficult to comprehend, the classic cheer up crowd and those who themselves suffer tend to suffer in a very different way.
I find myself tortured in public, perhaps not tortured but there is a spence of the surreal.
The depression passes and I am full of life. I am bi-polar albeit with long cycles, typically down periods last for 6-12 months, up for 3-24 months, various spikes and troughs in each. Managing friends can become a nightmare.
I wish you well and beg you, for my sake, as well as yours, to fight. It is so easy to give up and again I know, two suicides in my immediate family over the last twenty years – mine sometimes but moments away but a pact, you keep going, I’ll keep going.
Good Luck.
thank you for your kind support….. i know i have to fight, maybe for my parents…. although i try to give up once a while but for some reason i keep wishing it would be better tomorrow…. i hope that you all hope for better tomorrow too and one day at time change something in your life that will make you closer to what you want in life….. i’ll try to do the same….
I totally understand all this as I live it myself exactly as you! I don’t know how I’ve managed to live this long after 4 suicide attempts and thinking of it everyday, even now as I sit here writing this. I don’t know what to say to you, but you are not alone! I made a decision a few years back that I will definately kill myself around 45 or so. I have things I want to get done like get my bachelors before I go so I don’t go like a complete waste. I’ve got erectile dysfunction since like 32 or so, so there’s just no point to this HELL. Nothing good has ever come of this life and I was given a really, really , really bad hand such as yourself.
I’m soon 40 and my whole life (literally) has been battling with depression, at times it has been more than gloomy. I have scored points in depression tests that say that the test subject is lying or he’s got a very deep depression.
Right now my life’s as good as it has ever been. The key has been finding a job that pays well enough to live my humble life comfortably.
Still it isn’t what I’d call a life worth living but I’m content enough.
Finding friends is hard but on the other hand I’ve spent so much time alone and seen such obnoxious people that I rather like being alone. I get enough social contact at work to keep the depression at bay.
Anyhow, I think what I’m saying that my life has improved by a lot in the past 10 years. I’ve been so deep no one can understand unless they’ve experienced something similar. I could have never believed to be at this point and it seems that my life keeps improving year after year, slowly.
Especially I’m a lot less anxious and my social anxiety is getting a lot better.
Still each year feels like I’m still fighting a battle. I wouldn’t mind if one day I got a diagnose from a doctor saying I got 2 weeks to live. On the other hand if I manage to live to retirement age I guess I wouldn’t mind either. Also this is a big improvement.
My story basically shows that if you got some luck (which I have, a lot) even the darkest days can turn around (slowly). I’m not here solely because I made good decisions but what I chose to do mattered a lot. Can’t blame people who chose to give up tho.