It’s the little things that matter most in this world. The smile from a stranger.. Good advise from a friend.. A fond memory of weekends spent laughing and nothing else.. It’s the little things we share together that mean something. And it’s the little things lost that create the greatest void and the harshest confusion.
When you left, you vanished into thin air..and when you did.. You forgot your towel.. It was just sitting there, so I figured you would come back. But then after a short while, I discovered you left your phone on the table. That can’t be right…you sorta forgot to give me your new number.. How else can I know if you are ok? But you left it anyways, so I searched through to find a road back to you. But I found the road to be wiped away of any sign of you or where you could have gone. That’s when I discovered your house keys..sitting there..explaining to me that you weren’t coming back.
I drifted from room to room, silently whispering to myself of how it couldn’t be real.. Then I saw your mirror sitting on the table, and as I looked into the reflection staring back…I knew it would never be yours again.
Pictures of us, our lives…they are all still here where you left them. You didn’t take not one with you, as if to say you would fair just as well without the smile you came to rely on. Without the smile I came to depend on. Without that reason there are no smiles anymore.
Then I saw it… I found him on the floor.. This can’t be real, I said to myself. You loved him so much, your teddy bear. You named him and gave him life..a life that showed me how beautiful innocence can be.. You gave him life and a story so I could believe in something again. He was our family, together. Our little world away from the world. Something that no one else can understand, ever. ….but I found him face down on the floor…? How could you even consider leaving him like that? He was everything that was real about what we shared.
It was then I realized that what we shared, the innocence we shared together…had truly died with us!
I couldn’t stand to let him go..I held on to him sooooo tight, for dear life.. And I cried harder than I’d ever before. I never wanted to let go of that part of me, I was never ready. But i know I couldn’t keep him..I knew I couldn’t hold on to that part of you anymore. No one would be able to understand. So I had to find someone who would promise to take the best care of him. It was the hardest thing I had to do. He brought us both moments so special, he didn’t deserve that. But I had to make sure that he was gonna be ok, cuz he was one of those little things in my life that felt the most important. You gave the bear life..I couldn’t stand to see it forgotten so easily.
it’s the little things in this world that matter the most..
You showed me that
9 comments
*insert blood boiling screams*
Wait a minute – She left without any advance warning? You came home one day and she was gone? No note or explanation, just gone?
We broke up on a Monday, she was supposed to be looking for places to live and another job. she made the choice of sleeping on the couch and when I came home from work on that Friday she was gone. There was a note..it was next to the keys. It only explained all the things I already knew, but it didn’t explain why she felt she had to leave like that, and no way of contacting her besides email which she hasn’t responded. I have no idea why she left me. Our bond was so strong, I don’t know why she wouldn’t have wanted to work it out at any cost.
It just doesn’t make sense..it’s like this isn’t real at all and it’s just my worst fear in a dream state or something ..
I’m sorry this happened, RT30.
Yeah me too.. But thanks. I’m strong enough to get through this.
What’s another decade of denial, right?
sounds like “suddenly a different person” syndrome, to me. Not sure what to tell you about that, except that if she has indeed “become someone else,” it’s very unlikely you’ll be able to reason her back to who she was (or who you thought she was). Probably many different ways and reasons this can happen, and while i don’t know the details of your life, i would caution you against assuming it’s your fault. I know you will probably feel like it is, somehow… you might even convince yourself it is, in the process of trying to claim control of what you feel is a part of “your” life… but she is an external entity who exists outside yourself, and you can’t really own the decisions other people make, even if you believe you’ve influenced them somehow. I would advise you to take your time before attempting to write her anything, and expect not to get any response, and if you do receive one, expect it not to say what you wish it would. Hell, don’t even expect it to make sense. I have a feeling you can find the most accurate explanations and the most complete answers, within yourself… though i’m sure you crave confirmation and validation from that person you’re used to having that from.
The most important thing you can do, from now on, is continue taking care of yourself. I wish i could go back and force myself to stay as healthy as i was 5 years ago. I would probably be in CO or WA, right now, living the life, had i not allowed the one who broke my heart to destroy me. My biggest regret is not what was imposed upon me, but what i allowed to happen to myself. But honestly, i don’t know that i could have handled it any better.
“suddenly a different person syndrome”. Yeah, that’s a thing, i can attest to that. Been there, received that. Sorry if this sounds only like me agreeing and not adding to it but i know that situation all too well (to my disgrace). Lost one year of my life (this month will mark 1 year) due to that and the damage it has done to me, and i don’t see it ending too soon either, so like clevername says, try to take care of yourself and don’t lose control of your life. If you do it’s a long way back up, heck, a year later i’m barely starting to believe it. I even think the other day while talking to a friend i said to him “fuck, it’s already been a year?”.
Thanks CN, you are right I can’t go blaming myself for everything. If I was to be blamed for anything she should have told me, and she didn’t. She didn’t blame me for anything. She claimed to be doing for my own good because she isn’t want to hold me back anymore. ….and she did..she did hold me back from living my life and being truly happy. Idk if you noticed I don’t really talk about happiness like that. I mean, yeah she made me happy. But I definitely had to be patient and wait for the happy moments when they would come. I felt we had a lot of growing to do together, so little hard times between us didn’t ever phase me. And I thought that was ok. But I guess something else was built up in her. Something she couldn’t tell me. Horrible way to end it. Nothing I could do. I can’t even help her out or be her friend. That’s all I wanted but she took that away.. She took away my right to care about her. There isn’t anything I can do and I can’t even blame myself for it.
All I can do is move on
*the word correct is absolutely fucked idk why