I just want to say something before I leave and finish what I have started. It was nice meeting all of you from CC, TC and SP I may not talk much but just having a place to come and read and share thoughts has helped me for a while. I have been planning this for weeks and I picked tonight for no reason but it is the best night i could have picked. I am done trying I am done taking to people and I am sick of every doctor you talk to wanting too put you on medication. I know….. I self medicate more and the medicine would help, but I do not want to be dependent on a substance to keep me going if i wanted to do that then I would. That is my main “fear” with getting a job, is i know i will fall back into the same rut that i have been in for the past year or so. I do not want to be here on my 23rd birthday. I was excited for my 21st and my 22nd was no different but I look back and i have noticed that I have done nothing this whole year except lose several jobs and lack the motivation to keep going. I have made it my goal to push my family away to the point that they no longer want to help and I know I have reached that goal and I hope they do not change their minds. I no longer want help and I just want to be left alone. Tonight I will be leaving and not returning I hope that I can finish this life that I have created for my self as my past attempts have been unsuccessful. Somebody on SP posted something that stuck with me and that was. There are no failed attempts if you truly want to die then you will, people “fail” because they want help and I be-leave that. I have wanted help in the past but I see now that it will get me no where I will just be put on medication and I will be on that medication for the rest of my life. I don’t want to work to buy medication i don’t want to work to buy alcohol and I don’t want to work just so i can blow my money on drugs again. I wish you all the best of luck and happiness in your lives. Signing off. Addison A.