Is My Relationship Worth This Pain

Hey I seriously am having a really really bad couple of days. My boyfriend and I have been together off and on for a little over a year and a half. We have been having problems and some people take my side and some take his, but I’m not really trying to figure any of that out. I am bringing it up only for yall to see where this is all coming from. My boyfriend was treating me like an object and when I would try to go somewhere one night when I was upset then he held me down on the bed and wouldn’t let me up for like thirty minutes. So I left him for about a week, but we were able to work things out and fix it. Well about a month after all that I had made a new friend and he was a guy that was going through a rough divorce because his wife left him for his best friend. I was trying to be there for him and be a good friend, but it started causing problems with me and my boyfriend. It got so bad that he didn’t trust me at all and we were fighting everyday. So I left him again. Now that isn’t to say that our relationship was over at that time it just means that I couldn’t take the fighting for another day and wanted to take some time apart to gain perspective. Well he ended up going to a girls house and had sex with her while texting me telling me he was at a friend’s house for a relationship intervention. I mean that is all he did for a while was text me and tell me he missed me and loved me. I soon found out that a day after I left he had moved that same girl into the house with him.  Now mind you he was still texting me that he missed me and loved me while he was with this girl. After a little while I had to go get the rest of my stuff from him and when I did we decided we wanted to try to work things out because we both still loved each other. I no longer talk to that guy friend anymore and he no longer has any contact with that girl anymore. I did end up having relations with that guy friend so that is why I can’t have him in my life at all. Now we have been back together for around 3 weeks and he always says that I need to prove to him that I love him because I left him twice. It doesn’t matter to him how much it hurt me to leave and he doesn’t care that he cheated on me he point blank looked me in the face and told me he thought we were over so he says he didn’t cheat. Now he is talking to all these girls on his phone and when I try to tell him how that makes me feel he just says I’m trying to start an argument and that he is just waiting for me to leave him again. Well I have been sitting here all night and thinking that he may be right but not in the way he thinks. I may end up leaving but in a coroner’s bag. I was in the bathroom earlier holding my razor in my hand and seriously thought about just ending it that way and I then thought about the medicine cabinet. I love him so much and please don’t talk about him in anyway. I just want help getting through my suicidal thoughts.