So today was (…)
This year.. This year I can’t say I wished for a lovely husband, or for a perfect GPA, or to be a good cook or to have a pleasant job or whatever.. This year I wished I’d die,, That’s what I wished for.. Success is nothing when you’re alone.. And I figured I might be alone for a long long time.. That’s why God made me the only girl.., and it wasn’t just me so that my parents will have no one but me and they’ll be obliged to spend more time with me and by that I wont be alone.. No .. It wasn’t like that.. It was nothing like that.. I was a girl, but I have siblings – male siblings.. So they have each other, I have to cope with the divided attention.. Everything is on me.. All alone.. No systers, boys have their own lives, no parents.. No one.. Just me and my pencil colors, zines and my notebook..
Lonely life? Then what? Same at school, I didn’t make a friend until 3rd grade,, it only took me three years to make a friend.., two years later I fly somewhere else.., only to be alone again… two years later I make two friends, a year after that I fly back here and back to being a loner,, people talk to me I don’t know if it’s ouut of pity or kindness I have no idea..
Make friends again.., soon we part ways, become fake friends with fake frnds.., life sucked I left them 4 years later I meet a worthy girl of being my friend .. 3wash.. Then we part ways but we’re still in touch.. Then here I am ..
Single at 22, almost 23.. Hopeless.. Lonely.. And helpless..
So weird, that everyone has got some other person’s back.. But.. For me its different.. Am shy.. And I don’t wanna flood people with my problems.. Am tired of having problems I can’t cope or deal with..
5 years and I still can’t get my self to clean my room on a scheduled date.., I don’t move a thing unless it gets messy, I don’t like to go to my own graduation party without a close friend being by my side.. I can’t make my own breakfast.. Cant fix a router.. Too old in age too young in experiences.. Too skinny, too pale.. Too I don’t know what will happen next in my life..
Just living.. Day to day.. Hoping for the best then I disappoint people.., maybe myself sometimes.. I always hoped people wouldn’t have such high expectations of me so I wont feel any pressure.. But I still want it sometimes cuz atleast that says they haven’t lost faith in me..
So am really sad.. Cuz every year around this time I go through experiences that bring my self-esteem lower and lower.. I try to be better.. Never worked.. So know I stopped trying and turned to cry cuz I know in advance how awful I will feel.. So save my self sometime before it actually happens.. Every year..
8 comments
I know that feeling of loneliness. I’ve tried talking but everyone always says the same stupid shit. Go seek help, that’s what I’m coming to you for you ignorant sob. Being San only child isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be though. Especially when you’re an orphan. You’re more alone than you know and no one to really depend on you oryou to them. If you’d like to talk I don’t mind sharing my email/kik and talking. I can use a couple friends who kind of get it right about now.
Yeah exactly.. few people get it, when I try to talk to someone I can see it in their eyes thinking I’m a spoiled person or a lazy human being not able to do her basic everyday tasks just bacause she’s sad.. all the time..
Yeah sure what’s your username?
I don’t understand people anymore. The more i care about someone, the more she pushes me away.
Never having even one person who cares about you every day is beyond my understanding.
I know for sure i cared about a few people in my life, and i did what i could for them, but for what, to be abandoned, ignored, rejcted?
Why are people so cruel?
When people are suffering, they want others to give them attention and help.
When people are enjoying life, they don’t care about those who are suffering.
I could give you attention every day, but you would not give me even half as much, and would lose interest very quick.
All i want is to be trully loved by a woman i can also trully love, but i never met a woman who cared like i do.
There’s no one like me.
Not that all this i wrote applies to you, but i was trying to explain that there are some people who experience loneliness, others have no choice and experience a whole life alone, without any love, from anyone.
@purebluelight I totally get what you’re saying.. It’s funny how you’d do everything you can to help someone, but when you would want the simplest thing from them like to pick up their phone or even just a feeling of some understanding you won’t get it from them..
It’s weird how so much of our own happiness depends on other people or the way other people see us.. or approve of us.. everyone needs someone.. it takes some of us alot longer than others it starts to make you feel hopeless at the end of the road.. I get that.. its hard and its painful especially if everyone you see strangers, friends, whoever it is with spmeone to lean on but you never had that kindof a relationship.. it hurts..
I am the same. I’m a few years younger than you, but you remind me of myself. Single, constantly struggling to make friends. Unable to keep them. Especially what you said in response to Purebluelight. Our happiness is dependent on having a social life, having people who approve of us, who want to text, call, and be around us. I wish I knew how to be someone that other people want to hang out with and just be around. I’m not and never will be. I want a girlfriend really badly (I’m bisexual) but I don’t know how to find that type of relationship when every social situation has me a nervous wreck. I really relate to you. I’ve missed classes because of mental health issues and people don’t understand the severity. “Snap out of it.” Is the response.
So much of what you said resonates with me. I feel the sibling trouble, being the only child of my parents, who divorced because my father was a drunk and an adulterer, and being an older half-brother to 4 more boys. All the responsibilities of being the oldest, with none of the perks.
I never had friends, but I did have a few girlfriends. One who cheated on me, and one with I established such codependency that I was shut out completely from the outside world. After 5 years I left the latter, and finally thought I’d be happy, as I was starting to meet people. Joined a band. Got a house with our mandolin player. And lived one year of alcohol and weed induced bliss. But now that I’ve graduated college, I’ve left that behind, and life is pressing in hard. I’m alone, and feeling worse than ever before.
But even so, somehow I soldier on. The romantic in me, he believes there’s love and companionship out there. He pushes me to chase every chance at it, and it always gets me hurt. And yet I still live. And I still love when given the chance. I know you’re strong enough to do the same.
I’m 27 (male) so just a few years older but I see the world as success is nothing if you do it alone. I feel you on that. Only I don’t have brothers or sisters. I don’t have anyone that I grew up with that has that bond with me. That’s okay that’s life. But if you don’t have that someone it’s kind of empty, like it isn’t fulfilling. Even though I have my parents who I love it’s a different kind of bond, a different kind of relationship. I’m shy like you and it feels awkward to talk to my parents on a level I would with friends. I keep to myself especially more so with them.
I never want to flood people with my problems either, but I’ll always take on other peoples problems just to get in to that inner sanctum you know?
As a guy I can’t do ordinary “manly” things. I am not handyman, I don’t know shit all about cars, I like sport but even my interest in sport is dying because I’m jealous of millionaire players who have life made.
You’re right, people don’t really get it unless they go through it. Some people just can’t comprehend loneliness. With so many of us lonely on this website I wish we could all just pair up with each other, with so much loneliness if only we could come together.
Sorry neema I’m not trying to turn this from you on to about me just trying to reach out and let you know that even though you feel lonely you’re not really alone in your feelings.
You’re not too skinny. You’re not too pale. There’s nothing wrong with being shy or not cleaning your room on a scheduled time.
i am just a couple of years younger to you, otherwise lonely,single, too skinny, too pale, old in age young in experiences, hopeless, low self-esteem and all are a part of my story too. I would like to see you be a little stronger cuz that’ll ease me too.