Weak and feeling pathetic

Sorry my first post was so short. I’ve known several people similar to the girl you’ve described. Drop her and keep looking for someone who actually gives a shit about you. I did… and I’ve found friends that have worked hard to stay beside me and break me out of my shell- even in those times when I didn’t deserve their efforts. Those people were hard to find, but they do exist. Choosing to live allowed me to meet them. Please try to do the same, even if it means that you’ll have to search for those true friends over and over again.

Have you ever heard the old classic story of the 97-pound weakling?

In the 1920’s a guy named Charles Atlas started a body-building business to sell his body-building technique. His advertisements showed a scrawny little guy on the beach who was always getting sand kicked in his face by the big tough guys.

So Atlas (the ads were supposedly based on his own true story) built himself up by lifting weights and exercising so that he became just as strong and burly as the bullies who used to pick on him.

Now, not everybody can do something like this single-handedly. It’s a different world now than it was then.

But maybe there’s some way that you can learn how to stand up for yourself?

Maybe there’s a kind of exercise you like that could make you stronger or faster, like running or bicycling or swimming? Or maybe you could join a gym and build up some muscles?

Or maybe it’s mental muscles you need. My dad joined a club called Toastmasters to give him more confidence in speaking to groups of people (he used to stutter when he was a kid). There are assertiveness-training groups out there to help people gain self-confidence.

I know none of this is easy. But you only learn how to stand up to other people by doing it, and learning how to take the consequences.

I would start by getting rid of this woman who’s taking advantage of you. Make a clean break, don’t look back, don’t let her talk you into seeing her again.

I know it’s hard when you’re lonely – I’ve been there myself, where I was afraid to break up with someone because I was lonely. But being with someone who’s so cruel to you is WORSE than being alone. Because it destroys your self-confidence and makes you feel awful about yourself.

I know it’s hard, but just walk away from her, leave her behind.

Also, I don’t know if you feel that you can talk to your father, but is there any chance you could tell him that you’ve felt lonely since you were little? If you can tell him without making it an accusation, but just saying how you feel, I wonder if he might be willing to talk to you about it? Sometimes just talking about it with someone in your life can be a huge help. And if not, if that’s a bad idea, just ignore it please. Only you know whether that would work or not.

Dear Friend:

It’s natural to feel the way you are feeling. You’re lonely, your girlfriend hasn’t worked out, and you’re very depressed, and your life has been very difficult. The cumulative pain you feel is immense.

I don’t view you as pathetic and weak. You actually have great strengths — you have hung on for three years, despite feeling really, really bad. Many people cannot do that.

I would respectfully suggest that you contact one of the suicide support phone lines. It sounds like you need to hear a friendly, helpful voice. Ask the support line to help you find a therapist or counselor.

I know that you’ve been on a “suicide chat” — you’ve been reaching out for help, which shows personal strength. But maybe it is time to get a professional “helper,” who can assist you in considering what your options are for improving your life.

You may also want to consider going on anti-depressant medication. I resisted doing that for a long time — I wanted to manage my depression myself — but the medication saved my life, and it might help change yours.

It is sad that your current girlfriend hasn’t worked out, and you feel betrayed by her. But it sounds like she may not be the right person for you in the long run. Breaking up with her may be saving you a ghastly divorce later on.

You are still young, and can change many aspects of your life. Consider what Pulling the Plug suggests about getting more exercise and building up your body. Exercise helps depression.

Also have you read any books about surviving and overcoming depression? I strongly recommend Dr. David Burns’ “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy” at:

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Therapy-Revised-Updated/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1249353656&sr=1-3

The book has advice on how to talk with yourself in ways that will strengthen your mind and fight your depression.

Finally, I don’t know what country you are in, but try to buy or get from the library some books on positive thinking and people in your country who had many positive achievements.

Watch comedies and positive stories on television and the internet.

You are a young and sensitive person with a bad depression, but you can come out of the dark room.

Cordially,
Struggling to Survive (been there)