I need someone….

Hey everyone,…
I ‘m new Here.

And…
I’m lost right now….
Everything goes wrong in my head for 7 years… It goes up and down but i know now nothing will never be fine. I think I’m a lost cause. Last year i décided to see a therapist for the first time and I must take now neuroleptics for my anxieties.
Since 7 years all i wanted to do was get away from the others… I never trusted anyone. But last year something changed, and I could finally have a true friend… Someone who was here everytime it goes bad, someone to talk to, someone who understood and tried to save me from my darkest thoughts… I was under the illusion I will see light soon…
But i know now, no matter what you do, you are always alone… Alone with yourself, and your darkest thoughts and your demons who want turn you into ashes. Around you, it’s only illusions.  This friend want no more be there like he was before … I wonder if he really was  a friend… Maybe it’s  just one more illusion. Who will be there now when i fall down?
My best friend is my pain now and i just want to scream but i know nobody will hear me. I just can’t handle be alone anymore… I just need someone to talk with.
For 7 years I think about killing myself every day… But it seems I was searching  for a last hope, something to pick me up… But it’s in vain. There is nobody, nothing:  only darkness…Why am i still here?  I just can’t breath right now, …My head feel like it’s going to explode.
I know some will tell me I don’t have an hard life and so there is no reason to want to die… Seems i become to sound pathetic….

Save me, help me… Please.
Or maybe it’s too late…

Thanks for reading and sorry for my bad english, I’m french…