I have had some rough days and nights. One night I came to my limit! I was worn out, exhausted at dealing with all my depression, anxiety, fears, anger…etc by MYSELF! I called my crisis line and got a guy that when I talk to him, I do not feel comfort. I decide, as he answers, I will tell him I only needed to tell someone how sad I was, how worn out I was and that was all. He goes into a speech trying to give me advice and I tell him, I am not looking for advice, I just want to share that feeling so I may try to get to sleep. He accepts this and I hang up.
But I felt at the end of my rope at that moment. They say to tie a knot at the end of that rope and hang on. But what happens when that rope is choking you? And you are at the end of your limit??
What you do is set another limit. That may sound simplistic and undoable. But we, who face depression and self-defeating moments know how hard things are and all we want to do is find the control button. Let me control this once and for all! I am going to show them how I feel!
But to hurt ourselves is not control, it is a kind of out of control that we can only feel comfort from for a moment. Then, we are back where we started. Or worse it can feel like.
So, in these tragic and painful moments, please look up and beyond what you think you can. Look for distractions. Look for someone to talk to. Talking changes our brains- changes the chemistry of our brain, therefore can change our mood- even slightly helps.
Push that limit further than you ever knew you could. I will too.
2 comments
I agree. As i was reading this setting dates comes to mind. Usually when you set a date something will happen and then you’ll end up changing it, rinse and repeat. It doesn’t mean that it’s easy to change it, but it’s just looking at it from another pov (i.e.: if i’m going to die anyways, a few more days won’t be much).
That also reminded me that at times i say to myself that if i’ve already lost so much, what’s the point in ending things if i have nothing left to lose? maybe it is true that you make and control your own reality (to some degree at least).
Very true. If we focus on the hurtful and sad things only and not look for the good, we control things in a negative way. If we try new things or reach out to new people, we may be surprised!
Like tonight. I was in the laundry mat using the wifi. There was a mom, a daughter, 10 and a son, 11. I got to talking to the daughter. She was full of energy and happiness! It was a joy to listen and share with her. Makes me hope to change my life, support myself to be able to adopt children. (cross my fingers)
Giving ourselves hope for a better future is important. 🙂