I’ve been dealing with depression since I was 14, and I suppose the reason I didn’t was because of my dog, and my grandparents. I now live with my grandparents, have been for over 3 years now, and I honestly feel stuck. Like I’m not getting anywhere in my life. I feel like I’m honestly a failure, because I don’t really very hard in college, and every relationship I’ve been really serious about has failed.. I understand things are hard when it’s long distance but all I’m asking is for someone to try.. Not give up when the first bump comes along.. and when it comes to college, I don’t know why I’m even trying it because I’m not applyiby myself.. I miss my hometown, all I wanna do is go home but I honestly don’t have any where to stay.. My bf and I are completely done. I wanna go home, and just finish the job.. That way I could say I was home when I died. The thoughts are getting more and more visual, and more real.. I’m trying my best to fight the urge to cut but at this point, I want to so I can feel a different kind of pain; a pain where it’s not emotional, just physical. I just want to stop the pain and failure. And I feel like the only way I can do that is by suicide.. That way no one has to worry about me, no more grandparents paying for college, they can use the money for something else, just no more thoughts. I have a few ideas ready, just can’t act on them.. I don’t know why.
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4 comments
Living with grandparents doesn’t sound too bad, unless they give you a hard time for struggling in college.
You’re not a failure, everyone struggles with these things sometimes.
Studying is tough and stressful most times, and you really have to focus and concentrate.
Relationships are pretty tough and tricky by themselves.
Relationships are hard in any case, and yes long distance has problems.
Giving up when a bump comes along… might be a tiny bit different if you have an actual relationship but eventually that usually happens.
If not on the first bump, then on the second one.
Things get a little rough and the other person rather turn away than deal with it.
But i would like to believe not everyone are like that.
Maybe you just haven’t found the right person you could actually get along with.
Insted of cutting, you could find another way to convert the pain or let it flow.
Might be a silly example, but just for the idea, blowing music on really loud headphones can be one way.
Maybe you don’t act on them because you still got reasons to stick around.
Things might slowly change for the better.
Try and hang in there.
Why don’t you go to your grandparents if you can’t study or can’t focus and say I’m feeling pretty unwell don’t want to disappoint you guys but I need time as there is alot of things bothering me. Let them know your not well at the moment and tell them. And get some help. Maybe you could get meds and abit of therapy.
yeah get some meds
and therapy too