I really don’t know who to talk to about this or where to go but lately especially my life has been so disastrous?? I’ve felt soooo isolated lately. More so than usual. I have no friends to rely on. No boyfriend. My mom hates me and I can’t stand her, and the only family who I am close to live overseas and I’m unable to get in touch with them. The fact that I have social anxiety puts a strain on everything so much more. I’m so so so terrified to get a job, but I need to get out of this house, I can’t live with my abusive mom and her piece of shit abusive husband anymore. I don’t know how to meet people or make friends. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel like i’m not completely fucking alone in my life all the fucking time. I have been thinking of ways to kill myself, and for me that is unusual. I never do that because i don’t have the guts to but lately things have been so bad that I don’t want to deal with my shitty fucking lonely life anymore. I just.. living is so strenuous. I feel so paranoid and depressed all the time. I don’t know who to vent to or where to go for help. I’m broke, I don’t have anything to my name, and I have nobody in this world. This, right now, is all I have in my life. Thanks for letting me rant though.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
3 comments
Obviously there’s lots of people here who feel the same, though they may sometimes lack the energy to be supportive. Counselling might help you work out a way forward (some places offer it free). Or an anxiety/depression support group in your area could help you feel less alone. Failing that, there’s groups that offer free online support for people with depression/suicidal thoughts (either through email, or online chat.)
I know how terrifying entering work can be with social anxiety. All you can do is try and ease yourself into it. Maybe start off with some volunteer work (charities tend to be grateful for any help they can get), to build your confidence. It may be hard at first, but it should get easier in time. The sooner you do it, the easier it’ll be (like ripping off a band aid.)
Hi, thank you for responding, I didn’t think anyone would to be honest. I do see a psychologist at the moment referred to me by my doctor, I’ve been seeing her for over a month now and it really isn’t helping me. My doctor doesn’t like medicating her patients?? So she hasn’t put me on anything. I don’t know. About the work situation, I know I’m going to have to throw myself into that one. I have no option at this point. I’m hitting 21 and I have no life of my own and it’s pathetic honestly. I just have to deal with it. My mom has told me repeatedly to fuck off so I’m trying to do just that
I don’t know what approach your psychologist uses, but it might be worth looking for someone with a person-centred focus, rather than someone trying to push you down a structured treatment plan. It sounds like you need someone understanding, sympathetic, and non-judgemental to talk to about what you’re going through, and offer support/encouragement, rather than just someone telling you what you need to be doing (which you probably already know.) But obviously counselling isn’t for everybody. Sites like 7cupsoftea.com offer free online chat with sympathetic volunteers, if you ever feel the need to just talk with someone who will understand. There are people out there who have been through what you have and come out the other side.
Medication also isn’t for everybody, but a lot of people seem to find it helps. Be as honest as you can with your doctor about your suicidal thoughts, and how you’re coping as you try to move into work. If they’re totally resistant to even trying medication, you might want to seek a second opinion.
Don’t bother with judging yourself harshly or feeling ashamed when you compare yourself to others your age. There are reasons why you are the way you are. Nobody would ever choose anxiety. Fear is one of the worst feelings you can experience. All you can do is face it with whatever strength and wisdom you can muster.