I hate myself

I know there’s a list of things that are right with you too, Out with it!
I hate myself for a few very specific reasons, but I at least have the ability to see past what’s wrong with me to acknowledge my good traits. It’s a fairly useful skill to have. A necessary part of that skill is developing the ability to look at yourself objectively and see past the “I suck” mindset. If you saw some of these traits or interests in someone else, would you get down on them for it?
There’s nothing wrong with you as a person for being more than skin and bones. Truly.

I got called plenty of names by a ‘parent’ as well, pretty much every insult you can imagine, yep got applied to me. As I didn’t much value his opinion of me as a person, it made it easier for me to ignore him. And I often insulted him back (mine were much more creative, I must say). Not healthy, or the best method, true, but I was volatile in an explosive situation. I think your position is to a lesser degree, but they shouldn’t be treating you like that. I’d say moving out of that environment would do you some good, though I think you are in high school? If you can’t move out, then perhaps try to have a sitdown with them about the way you are being treated and how it makes you feel. Maybe it could help. Otherwise, try to keep minimal contact.

I will also note that just because you are being called names by others, doesn’t mean you should join in the bandwagon. If no one else is giving you the support you need, then you need to ask for it from your friends and at least give it to yourself. Even if you feel you are lying, look in the mirror and tell yourself that you aren’t fat or stupid and a counteract to whatever else negative thing you are being told.

Your parents should have a better handle on their own emotions and set a good example for you instead of treat you badly for your condition. Even if they are upset about it you shouldn’t be the target of their frustration.
And you can’t speak for anyone to say you are a burden, that’s for them to decide.

As for messing up things in general, boy do I hear you on that. The best word to describe me and my actions is ‘awkward’. So many mistakes! And I berate myself for making them, but then I go out and i still make more. Why? Because most of those mistakes aren’t really that serious, and it’s not about things that really matter. Big picture wise, these mostly aren’t mistakes that would end my life, so to speak. I don’t think the things you mess up are too terrible, either. And you improve each time, take away something learned. The person who doesn’t make mistakes doesn’t exist.

Schoolwise.. ok a large part of school work is memorization of inane facts. Doesn’t make you stupid if you don’t recall. And then there’s math and science, which also go off that memorization but have a tiered structure so if one part of your understanding is shaky, other parts are going to be too. You could try studying with your friends or seeing if you could get some help from your teacher or a student tutor to improve in those subjects you are having difficulty with.

Why would you deserve to die? You aren’t a horrible person. Plenty of terrible people in this world, and I am fairly certain you don’t reach their level of awfulness. If anything, you deserve to live and be happy.

Hating yourself for being alive is a bit.. well misplaced, as you didn’t make the choices that brought about your existence.

I don’t know how you can ruin their ‘good time’ just by saying something, so I can’t address that…

I’ll be hoping you share that list of what’s right with you.