I’m sixteen…and even so I don’t know what to do with my life anymore.
I feel like I’ve failed my parents and I’ve failed myself more than ever. For the past two to three years, I’ve tried to commit suicide, but I can’t bring myself to use a knife, or to pop a pill, or even to hang myself. I used to cut, but that became a hard stop when my parents found out and I’ve been clean since then. I tried talking to my counselor, but my parents got mad because they said: “It makes us look bad!”
I’m falling apart..inch by inch. I don’t like smiling anymore, I don’t want to hang out with people, but at the same time I don’t want to be alone. It’s like I want someone there, someone who loves me, but I just can’t bring myself up to find that person who’ll protect me. I’m scared…and I want to run. I want to go and find a place for myself and my little fantasies. I don’t want to feel like this anymore, but now it feels like I have no choice cause there isn’t anywhere else to go in life. I end up crying and crying and crying. I just want things to go back to normal…
4 comments
It is normal for who suffers from depression to feel that you fail with those around. more normal than you think. But it can be out of reality and really something from you unhealthy mind… You are not a fail. You are only sixteen. You’re young and smart. I can see by The way you express yourself (sorry it’s just me). You have a life for you and it’s just getting started. As harder and sad it must feel now, you still have the right to be able to turn it later, and live good and beautiful things in life. It’s your right.
Things you haven’t lived yet.
I’m not misjudging your problems and only you know what you go through. But I also speak by self experience… You made me remind many times in my life when I thought there was no place to run to. I cried and hurt me so much, and for that reason I don’t judge you.
I just would like you to reconsider, even if your parents do not comprehend, you still can try to talk to them about, slowly with time. you can handle it. You still can find friends to talk to. Find someone you feel Better when you’re near, try to get closer to things in life that you appreciate, nature, music, reading, anything. And also, talking to a conselour would be great. Giving up can be The easy way out, but think about the good things, and think about everything you would loose. With no second chance
If there’s a hope for older people, there’s no way it’s over for you. Think about it.
Sorry I don’t know much about your pain and don’t know what else to say. But I hope you can consider this when you think about commiting suicide. For yourself, and those you care about
You haven’t failed anyone, try not to beat your self up about it
I can relate a lot to your post 🙁
Sorry that you are suffering so much.
You “just want things to go back to normal…”
What is that normal? Describe what things were like for you then.