– “I’ll kill myself. I’ll kill myself i’ll kill myself i’ll kill mmyself and soon.”
-“I’ll call the police on you
Dont even think about trying.”
———-
Last night I had written to a friend (a used-to-be-friend.), saying I’d kill myself and soon.
Today, I had received the response above:“I’ll call the police on you.”
…Thanks, I appreciate the scare I received that rose up as I had read it.
—
Why did I admit it? It was because of a spark; an anxiety attack that led me fearful and alone to the point of solely being capable of admitting it. It was because I needed someone then. It was at the peak where bottling it up inside me would only break me beyond repair.
I usually wake up the following day with no memory of the previous night, no realization on what I had done or said the previous day. It takes me minutes or hours just to recall of an event the night before.
Waking up to read this was the reply I got…I can’t believe it.
I can’t believe I wrote it.
I can’t believe I said it.
I can’t believe I was so desperate.
But worst of all,
I can’t believe the response;
Thank you, dear old friend. For showing me how supportive you are. For making life easier.
…..
Everyone is a bastard.
11 comments
I’ve had friends “turn me in” before.
Not to the police, but to other authority figures at the time.
(High school, then college….)
It pissed me off beyond belief.
I know, I know, we’re “supposed” to be thankful that they valued our lives enough to want to keep us around, yeah sure whatever blah.
But at the time, I was very pissed off at them. I wanted this to be my private personal choice, and thought I could trust them with such a personal revelation.
In fact, if I’m completely honest, I guess I can admit that part of me never forgave them for betraying my trust.
And it especially irks me that they supposedly held the moral “high ground”, excusing their childish tattling by rationalizing that it was worth it if it saved a life.
All it taught me is that there are some things I can never, ever tell anyone, not even my closest friends.
Even now, decades later, I will never tell anyone in my life that I sometimes contemplate suicide.
It opens up such an ugly can of worms, it forces the friend to choose between betraying you and “losing” you, and it kisses all your privacy goodbye.
If I contemplate suicide these days, I would not tell anyone– with the possible exception of you guys here at SP. We’re reasonably anonymous here, and you couldn’t stop me from going through with it if I was determined enough.
Sorry for the long comment.
Thanks for letting me rant.
Thanks for commenting. I enjoy reading others’ posts so that can relate.
I’ve had a boyfriend do this to me after telling me he never gave a shit about me and that everyone was better off without me. For me it was infuriating, but to some people that can be very scary and they don’t want to lose someone or feel responsible for not getting the other person some kind of help. It’s annoying as hell and it sure pissed me off so I know where you’re coming from, some people just don’t know how to give the support that you need and panic and want to get someone who could possibly help you better. Like I said it really pissed me off too but I like to think it comes from a good place. I told my mom the other day that I was going to kill myself and she told me she’d be a lot happier so I know how bad it hurts to not have people respond with the support and care you need.
Thankfully she didn’t turn me in tho… But I did freak out…
That person sounds like a dick. If these people really cared, they’d be a friend, they’d listen to you, be there for you, not threaten to report you to the police. And I hate their fake moral high ground shit.
Exactly!
You said in three sentences what it took me multiple paragraphs to say.
😉
What they said ^^
You’re AB$OLUTELY CORRECT!
I don’t comprehend why anybody would react like that. How can it help? I hadn’t talked to that friend in a couple of months, and this is the reply I receive, as I’m in distress?
The only possibility I can figure is that they were trying to “shock” you into giving up the idea.
But it’s still the wrong way to deal with it.
It seems to have come out as a threat.
It’s as if they thought you deserved to be scared or “slapped” for bringing up the subject.
Words can be even worse than slaps sometimes.
I think life and death should be a person’s free will.
People who report you to the police for this generally are trying to make themselves ‘look better’. Doesn’t mean that they are better 😛